Indie hipster shitheads are the new yuppie. Urban semi-professionals, more American Graffiti than American Psycho, simultaneously involved in and concerned with gentrification, have been systematically infiltrating the boroughs and taking over. Take Brooklyn, for example. A once thriving Hasidic community is on the verge of a turf war with these parasites, a war that will be fought not with bats and chains, but with facial hair.
Hipsters have ruined the non-ironic mustache for everyone. There was a time when a man could display his unshorn nose pubes with pride. A man could channel his inner Burt Reynolds without fear of comparison to the gay porn icons of yore. But then it was appropriated by the fad conscious. And when they sink their teeth into something they lock their jaws like a pit bull and shake until it is dead.
Tickle my beard for a treat!
Do you really think you can win against someone for whom the mustache is a time honored right of passage? The gay cowboy? The 14 year old Mexican boy? Do you think you can win against a culture whose hirsute history is thousands of years old? I think not. Unless you can bring it like this guy, don’t even fucking bother.
