The H Bomb

Ride ‘em, cowboy!

At first I thought this was a joke, but if the BBC is reporting on it, you know its gotta be true:

The US military investigated building a “gay bomb”, which would make enemy soldiers “sexually irresistible” to each other, government papers say.

(Click HERE for full article.)

Time to call the Enola Gay out of retirement! According to the article, the 6 year, 7.5 million (!) dollar plan would use a potent aphrodisiac to provoke “widespread homosexual behavior” among enemy troops, causing what the military sensitively referred to as a “distasteful but completely non-lethal” blow to morale. Only high clearance officials were privy to the details of what would later become know as “Operation Cluster Fuck.”

When asked how making troops horny would elicit a specifically homosexual response, an anonymous military official had this to say:

We are confident that the overpowering effects of the aphrodisiac will result in an indiscriminate sexual need. That, combined with the disco music and the feather boas, should achieve the desired effect.

When pressed on the issue, his voice dropped and his eyes narrowed slightly:

Have you ever seen combat, son? From Geisha to gas tank, under the right circumstances, a horny soldier will fuck anything.

When asked if this meant that all soldiers had an inherent propensity for homosexuality, the official concluded the interview with a curt “no more questions” and beat a hasty retreat.

Other non-lethal alternatives which were also rejected include the equally ridiculous “halitosis” and “fart” bombs, although the idea of using them in conjunction with the gay bomb was deemed cruel and unusual, even by military standards.