Barack Obama Wants To Know, “Where The White Women At?”

In our first installment of what will surely be intermittent coverage at best, we now bring you the latest on the 2008 presidential race.

Super Tuesday has come and gone, and according to the polls, Barack Obama and the fair Hillary Rodham are still neck and neck. The white women are voting for Hilary, although the numbers are not as high as they were previously. The black vote helped Obama win a number of southern states, although I’m surprised he or Hillary had any luck in a region where the majority of people would be damned before they voted for a “nigger” or a “split-tail”.

On the Republican side of things, John McCain has emerged as the front runner in a race that until now has shown little consistency. Hanoi Rocks!

Many are touting this presidential election to be the most significant in years, a race whose outcome will determine our country’s path for the foreseeable future. The prospect of history’s first black or female president is an exciting one, but what impact will that really have? Is substantial political change still even possible? While Obama’s sincerity and youthful exuberance were refreshing at first, his recent in-fighting with Hillary signifies politics as usual.

Admittedly, part of the initial allure of Obama is the fact that he’s black. I had to question whether that was the reason I found myself drawn to him. But then I realized, I wouldn’t vote for him just because of the color of his skin. Condoleezza Rice is black and I certainly wouldn’t vote for her ass.

Tina Turner once said, We don’t need another hero, but that is just what the American people crave. Look at our choices. We’ve go a genuine war hero in McCain, and the prospect of our nation’s first black or female president. (This, however, doesn’t explain the absence of 911 hero Rudy Giuliani, who pussy-footed himself out of the race.)

The hero presidents of yore are like that first shot of heroin. You’re chasing the high, people! The current candidates will never be as sweet as that first taste! Besides, that was before the advent of the internets. If our beloved forefathers were around today, the whole world would know that George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, Thomas Jefferson fucked slaves, and Abraham Lincoln was gay.

Personally, I can’t wait to see the outcome of this election. Then we can get back to politics as usual. The politics of dancing!