Check out our new sequel/sister post: How To Eat Your Own Pussy
A typical Friday night
I was compelled to write this entry after the search term “How to suck your own dick” kept repeatedly showing up in my stats (I briefly touched upon the topic here.) I also recently got a hit off of “I can put my penis in my ass,” but I don’t know where that one came from. Autofellatio is obviously a topic people (men) are interested in, so I decided to see what came up when I searched it on Google. Here are the top results:
From If You Could You Would:
A big dick and an limber body don’t belong to everyone, but if you can already get pretty close there are a few tricks you can do to improve and hopefully, get that incredible rush that comes when you finally make contact between your tongue and your own dick.
…practice *definitely* pays off. Before, I could only lick the tip with real strain, legs thrown over my head. Now I am getting the whole juicy head in my mouth plus some shaft, and I can lick halfway down my dick and taste my balls.
Oh, man, that last line is priceless. Sounds like someone describing a particularly good meal. Juicy head. Tasty balls. Sounds scrumptious. I can’t tell if this is a joke, or this guy really loves the taste of his own dick. The handy list of tips included suggests the latter. Some real thought went into this.
You know you're a man! A manny manny man!
College Sex Advice takes what seems to be a more serious approach to the subject, plus it has some sweet hand-drawings. Why is that dude wearing a baseball hat and sneakers? Because he knows he’s a man, that’s why! (Careful with that link, Eugene!)
Even Wikipedia has an entry on the art of autofellatio (NSFW!) Want to know more? Amazon sells a book by the same title. It’s called, The Art of Auto-Fellatio: Oral Sex For One. It is now on my wish list. And then there’s the myriad of self-suck websites that come up, if you want to go the less scholastic route.
I know some of you (women) are probably a little put off by the subject, but I assure you, wanting to suck your own dick is perfectly natural. You don’t have to be ashamed anymore, people! Anyway, I hope this has been both informative and enlightening. I’ve got a lot of stretching to do. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Siphoning from the ass tank
What are you doing? You’ve gone too far.
Did you see “Short Bus”? A man blows himself in that movie. Interesting but I wouldn’t if I could. I said it. I don’t want to be involved with my “juicy head”.
Every post, I’ve gone too far. You’re starting to sound like a broken record.
I saw Short Bus. Liked it a lot. Even better than the BJ was the guy singing The Star Spangled Banner into another dude’s ass. You would so do that.
hahahahahahhha……..!!!!! funny brooo
Sick SOB
Thanks, man. I tried this back when I was 16 and I could only barely brush the head, and that was after a couple hours and a very sore back. Now, after years of playing video games, I can’t get within 10 inches of it. Fuck.
Haha, that’s awesome.
I thank you all for your support in this endeavor.
Why is the guy in the second illustration wearing a baseball cap and sneakers? Does that help?
Dude! Do you even read my posts, or just skim them? I make that very same point, and if you clicked on the “you know you’re a man” link, you’d understand the relevance. Just don’t do it at work. Suck it!
I laugh at all the people looking down upon your post of awsomeness. They need to ask themselves this question: Why are you looking at a post about autofellatio? The answer is they obviously want to learn themselves.
duh
That’s right! Ain’t no shame in my game!
Thanks for making my day. You know what’s even more hilarious than this post? Seeing it displayed under Headlines on WordPress!
How did you manage to slip by?
Web link fixed. Glad you enjoyed the post. Didn’t realize WordPress censored stuff, but I was curious about it appearing under headlines and stuff.
Finally, some one who knows how to teach the educated penitentiary elite a new trick…thankx’
Nathan: Though I can’t speak for kfugrip (although I suspect he feels the same)…I read this blog out of sheer loyalty to the author. I complain because I personally know “thejamminjabber” and I know he’s better and smarter than most this stuff.
That said, I found this one pretty funny, mostly because you weren’t saying horrible shit about women throughout. Also, the bit you wrote about the baseball hat and sneakers in the post was absolutely hilarious…
haha funniest thing I’ve ever seen on the WordPress homepage!
Q: Whats worse than getting genital herpes?
A: Giving it to yourself!
lol wow I really can find humor in almost anything.
This was just plain hilarious.
The guy next door to me in college claimed to be able to do this,but I never asked him to prove it. I did hear a lot of moaning from his room, though.
Oh my God– the Wikipedia link is (please forgive my saying so) even funnier than your article. This is priceless: Previously, autofellatio was considered by behavioristic science a problem rather than as a variety in sexual practice.
A problem, indeed.
I think most men have “thought of” or have tried sucking their own dicks at some point/s in their lives.
And since you, thejamminjabber, have brought the subject up, I think a lot of men (although they wouldn’t admit it in public) would eventually (if not simultaneously) try it. And now, I can’t get that freakin’ picture out of my head.
Perhaps, you should organize all willing subjects to start a new Guinness record of “The most number of men who have tried sucking their own dicks at the same time.” lol
Fascinating.
Talk about taking self-sufficiency to a whole new level! Excellent post!
Oh, Kelly, I think the lady doth protest too much. And a lady should NEVER speak for her man (there is your requisite female-bashing.)
I love the fact that people like Mazz and Stileto are finding this on the WordPress homepage.
David, you are right, the wording of the Wikipedia article is hysterical.
Pipit, I would love to see a large group of men simultaneously “knowing that they are men.” In unison.
“knowing that they are men”… hilarious
thejamminjabber said, “I’ve got a lot of stretching to do. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Any updates??? lol
Hey Pipit, what’s up with your blog being private? Am I allowed in?
Pipit, I have a confession to make. I’ve never been very flexible, and I don’t think I am long enough in the pants to make up for it. *sigh.
your own cum tastes so good
I can’t do no matter how long I strecth!
Keep trying!
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Pretty cool. sounds like some kind of kamasutra oral thing. its not a bad thing. Great post.
I would love too
Id suck itall day
Im 13 fat and have 4 inch penis any help
Sounds like you’re SOL buddy.
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Bitches need some action…. Btw, doing this by yourself is not a turn on for girls!
Can’t yet but practise makes perfect ps it onely1 1/2 inches
thats very small
thanks
I’m 14 and I cam already suck my whole head. I haven’t hit puberty. So, hopefully when I’m older I can reach (and suck!) everything, hopefully my balls.
it’s promising I can already do this.
My penis is 3 1/2 and i can just suck the tip. Ps i eleven HUGE cock for then
I tried to suck my dick twice the first tme i liked the head of my dick the second time i couldnt lick it at all ! Is it wiered if u imajine what your own cum would taste like?
I tried sucking my own dick twice the first time i liked the head of my dick and the second time i couldnt at all ! Is it weiered if u imagine what your own cum would taste like?
I KNOW what it tastes like. Only problem is getting it on your tongue, don’t want all that tasty cum to shoot down your neck before you can savor it, do you?
I can do it mainly cuz I’m flexible and I have some other advantages as well it makes your back really sore though
It looks kinds of hard in my age being 15 would I be able to suck my own dick? I’m about 5″3 tall does that help me?
How old can u suck your own dick
It works I’m gonna keep sucking my dick.
I’m 13 and my cock is 6 inches hard and i cant make the contact
I’m a 13 bysexual i need to make that contact i’ve taken head off boys and girls but i wanna do my self
I’ve done it. Honestly, it’s not hat hard. I did it ONCE in the shower, i was pretty sore, now i can fit the entire thing in my mouth along with some room for my nutsack. Lol!
Wow, I guess I’m lucky. I’m kinda like Allen. I’m just a little sore afterwards, though…
lol I can suck my whole dick EAT THAT ASS HOLES HAHAHAHA B===D
realy good
i sucked the tip of my dick and i want to suck the entire thing what soud i do?
I can only reach my penis skin with the tungue… But im trying to get better, allmost at the head
and i got a bad bag… Is that bad? or should i keep..”Training” 
not working by the way im 11 is my prick too short
me likey da sucky sucky eh
Im 13 and this actually works but I’m calling the FBI
im 12 i can reach head with 3 in dick but im not gay i hav a gf and i ONLY LIKE GIRLS
This is a funny post. Im nearly 7 feet so its too frikken hard but i did manage to get the tip. not really worth the back soreness. But i do wish to keep training. thx mr. jammin for ur scandalous posts! ;P
at best the master of auto fellatio nikki
I will send my pictures how do
I expect to write
I’ll show you my pictures unique
at best the master of auto fellatio nikki
I will send my pictures how do
i tried this and it just wont work. i tried it over and over and over and over… is there another way i can do this? and for those of you who did this before what does your dick tast like
im 13 and i have a 7inch dicck and in position 3 i can suck half of it and only 2 inches while standing up it was quite easy partly because im flexibe
I could do this since I was 12 too. when I was 15 put it all in my mouth. even now I can do it. but my gf can suck it better for me
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I could do this since I was 12 too. when I was 15 put it all in my mouth. even now I can do it. but my gf can suck it better for me
i do it and im only nine
This is so hard.I can’t do it.My body is normal not to short and not too high.Now what?Still can reach it
Wa”"”
dont take this offensive bu im 11 so i dont exactly have a full grown penis but i want to suck it and my legs are incredibly flexinle but my back is not… any tips on to flex your back? PLEASE HELP!!!
this is a weird question but about how old r u wen u can cum in your mouth?
um you have to be . . . atleats 11 so you will start to extragulate (jizz / cum)