Staaaaaaaarbucks: Slut of the Sea
UPDATE: Apparently the old Starbucks logo is the new Starbucks logo (which I should have realized in the 2 months since this post went from draft to published) and its got Christians angry.
Go Figure.
Someone’s had some work done.
While waiting in line for coffee one morning, I began to wonder, what exactly is the deal with the Starbucks logo? Because to me it looks like a slutty mermaid spreading her legs. Granted, her barnacle encrusted jam pot is obscured by a giant green band with the word coffee on it, but it does bring a welcome hint of maritime tinged eroticism to the beverage. No more having to wish your fuck buddy had the fish part on top and the lady part on bottom like a Magritte, because this one’s a split-tail.
What this has to do with selling coffee, I’ll never know, so I decided to do some snooping. I came across an article at DeadPr0grammer’s Cafe, which details the coffee mascot’s evolution from scaly siren with saggy tits and hairy stomach to the sanitized version we all know and love today.
I can show you the world…
And another thing, why are all the employees at the Starbucks in Chinatown gay Puerto Rican dudes? I find them to be too friendly and accommodating. I’m trying to retain a modicum of anonymity in my morning coffee purchasing. I don’t need them calling out my name and drink of choice the second I walk into the door while they prance around on the counter top like they work at Coyote Ugly.
Categories: Art · Bestiality · Food · Gay and Lesbian · Sexuality
Tagged: Starbucks, Magritte, Mermaid Sex, Kelly Will Construe This As Homophobic/Sexist, Coffee
4 responses so far ↓
1979semifinalist // May 23, 2008 at 10:20 am
Actually I have no problem with this post. I’m just shocked you go to Starbucks. I’m having trouble picturing it. What do you get…like a hot chocolate or something?
thejamminjabber // May 23, 2008 at 11:01 am
Listen, I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up and in the freezer.
amy // June 11, 2008 at 11:56 am
when did they get rid of my favorite, non-gay barista in chinatown? (that would be arthur, with the dreads/braids/whatever-it’s-called now).
…and i know for a fact you like your coffee smooth and creamy.
thejamminjabber // June 11, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Actually, that dude is still there, although I suspect he might be gay and/or a closet Puerto Rican.
And yes, I like my coffee like I like my men- brown, smooth and creamy.
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