Daily Archives: February 5, 2009

It’s time for one of my serious posts, so no complaining.  Over at The Velvet they have posted a synopsis for the forthcoming novel by Craig Clevenger, entitled Saint Heretic. It’s buried in the forum, so I’ve dutifully ganked it and put it on display, along with some cheesy fan-made art.

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone...

Saint Heretic charts the intersection of three lives: the son of a convicted killer, an invisible man, and a fallen angel.

A young boy sits alone one evening watching television. A news report airs the discovery of a murdered young woman. The TV cuts to a photograph of the boy’s father, already in custody. Police arrive at the door only moments later. There are others, they tell him. Your father told us. Twenty years later, the boy, now a man, lives as Lyle Edison, an alias he assumed as a way of severing himself from the legacy of his father and escaping the scorn of being the son of a murderer.

Someone who claims to be a long-lost relative is trying to reach Lyle, writing him letters as he battles with his own dementia: his failing memory and his belief that he is so far removed from the eyes of God that he is literally turning invisible.

Enter Icarus, an angel who comes crashing to earth. After examination by the medics, he’s remanded to a psychiatric hospital where he awaits his orders from God. Steadfast in his service to the divine, Icarus is nonetheless irritated by the constraints of his new human form. He eventually leaves the hospital and, as the only one capable of seeing the invisible man whom he dubs ‘Mr. Fade,’ it is up to Icarus to reunite these estranged family members before he can resume his celestial form once more.

Sounds like a buddy comedy starring a reluctant serial killer, the Invisible Man, and either Lucifer or Denzel Washington, depending on your interpretation.  I imagine the three men driving cross country in a 57′ Chevy, Lucifer encouraging the boy to strangle young women while the Invisible Man watches and masturbates.

Question- Would the Invisible Man’s jizz also be invisible? Something to think about.

In all seriousness, I’m really looking forward to this. Clevenger is a man who takes his time with a novel, disappearing for years at a time before resurfacing with something shiny and new. Certain authors who, ironically, helped jumpstart Clevenger’s career and churn out a novel a year with diminishing creative returns could learn a thing or seven. Don’t be surprised if you find a brittle pair of testicles pressed between Heretic‘s pages like a rose when you crack the spine. Those would be mine, because this book will own them.

On a side note, why is it all my serious posts are about books? Books are fucking serious. They are humorless dicks, like Bill Cosby. You ever seen a copy of Ulysses yuckin’ it up like a chucklebox? No sir, you have not.

Now back to our regularly scheduled chuckfuckery.