The more active your blog, the more search engine traffic Google sends your way. And here I thought the ranks of delphinics had thinned in my absence, but no, I just hadn’t been writing enough. Since my triumphant return to blogging the inbound search traffic has resumed, and guess what people are searching for? I’ll give you a hint. It begins with a D- and ends with an -olphin sex.
This was the closest thing I could find to a picture of Jesus with a dolphin.
So I was perusing what links people were clicking (with my pants on, I swear) when I came across something interesting. In fact, I can’t believe I missed this the first time around. The now infamous Sex With Dolphins how to, written by Dragon-wolfe Dolphinn (!!!), is hosted on a page maintained by Dave in Phoenix, co-founder of a group called Liberated Christians. Who are these Liberated Christians, you ask? Only the foremost promoters of positive intimacy and sexuality including responsible nonmonogamy or polyamory as a legitimate choice for Christians and others. Not only that, but they are committed to exposing false traditions of sexual repression that have no biblical basis; promoting intimacy and other-centered, loving sexuality (both noble causes) and promoting, it seems, Sybian for maximum G-spot orgasms for women’s pleasure and therapy. Not necessarily in that order. Among many other meaningful articles and a web design circa 1996, you will find links to video of Carmen Electra riding a Sybian on the Howard Stern Show. Praise the Lord!
Posted in Entertainment, Music, Religion, Sexuality
Tagged Axl Rose, Bestiality, Carmen Electra, Delphinic Zoophilia, dolphin sex, Estranged, Guns n' Roses, Howard Stern, Liberated Christians, Sybian
Between this and their upcoming Yiddish Policemen adaptation, the Co Bros are really getting their Heeb on. This isn’t your typical give-everything-away trailer narrated by Don LaFontaine- In a land overrun by Jews- this is a skillful construction that suits the film and gives a good indication of its tone. Thankfully, it looks to be less Intolerable Cruelty and more Barton Fink.
A Serious Man will be having its world premiere at this year’s Toronto Film Fest. Those lucky Canuck bastards. Do they even have Jews in Canada? Aside from David Cronenberg?
Posted in Books, Film
Tagged A Serious Man, Canada, Coen Brothers, David Cronenberg, Don LaFontaine, Jews, Michael Chabon, Mr. Trailer Voice, The Yiddish Policemen's Union, Toronto FIlm Festival
Time to get all postmodern on dat azz. I’ve got a new review of Pynchon’s hippie genre goolash, Inherent Vice, over @ The Cult. Read it and weep. For the sixties.
I’d like to think Pynchon would enjoy this blog, if he ever read it. We’ve got a similar vulgar, borderline juvenile sense of humor. You know dude would totally be intrigued by dolphin sex.
Posted in Books, Criticism, Entertainment, Television
Tagged Chuck Palahniuk, Dirty Hippies, Inherent Vice, Opi, Opinions Are Like Assholes, the 60's, The Cult, The Simpson's, Thomas Pynchon
My review of the film Deadgirl is now live @ Twitch. It is a touching coming of age tale about two kids who find a naked chick tied up in the basement of an abandoned mental institution. Hm… now that I think about it, maybe it’s a coming of age tale about touching, not a touching coming of age tale.
Check it out!
Posted in Criticism, Film, Sexuality
Tagged Dark Sky Films, Deadgirl, Gadi Harel, Jenny Spain, Marcel Sarmien, Necrophilia, Opinions Are Like Assholes, Rape, Twitch, Zombie Rape, Zombies
These two are priceless. I have a very flexible box. I bet you do, you slut.
What is the deal with Dan and Jennifer? Are they a couple? Brother and sister? Is he even qualified to be giving advice on straight sex? If you ask me, they aren’t very “sexy.” She’s got a neck like a bullfrog and he looks like he gets his hair cut at the local monastery. At one point she refers to “our box,” which leads me to believe they are some sort of collective genital sharing entity. Kind of like the Borg, only instead of a hive mind, they have a hive twat. Sounds itchy.
Anyway, here they are answering an interesting question regarding where to draw the line when trying to satisfy your husband, sexually. She acts appalled, but you know she longs for the day Dan initiates anything other than cowboy on cowboy role playing.
Young Ralph Macchio shows off his first mustache
I don’t know who the shit Araceli Gonzalez is, but she’s got me pretty conflicted. I was checking out some hot ass pictures of her over at Thighs Wide Shut when BLAMMO! I was assaulted with this hirsute hideousness. I know Latin ladies tend to be a bit on the furry side, but come on. You could at least wax before a photo shoot.
Click the above picture for the full mustachioed mammary mayhem. Chicks dressing as dudes can be hot (mailmen, football players, priests) but I draw the line at facial hair. I think. Let me look at those pictures some more and I’ll get back to you on that.
Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Entertainment, Sexuality
Tagged Araceli Gonzalez Topless, Celebrity Nudes, Chicks with Mustaches, Cross Dressing, Facial Hair, Hairy Chicks, Latin Ladies, Naked Tits, Ralph Macchio, Women Dressed As Men
*****UPDATE****** A hot new Emma Watson nude pic has surfaced HERE.
Check out the uncensored before and after pic HERE, courtesy of Egotastic.
Before and After
In the wake of the Emma Watson nude picture scandal, the nubile young actress has gone and done something drastic. That’s right, head replacement surgery. And not just any head, skanky Russian stripper head [which is the best kind, trust me. ] Now she can enjoy the anonymity of a successful career in a Long Island strip club. No, bitch, I don’t care about the classes you are taking in community college, just grind!
You’d think she’d be able to weather this, having already overcome the humiliation of I Just Turned 18, Check Out My Barely Legal Beaver-Gate last year.
Dr. Jekyll here, with another post of the literary variety.
I’ve got a new book review up at The Cult. It is an appropriately schizophrenic tale of murderous clowns entitled-
THE PILO FAMILY CIRCUS
Check it out.
Really? Because of the word ass? Not because I posted the tweet I’d Totally Do This Underage Girl Who Used To Have A Penis?
Test how hetero you are (or aren’t) over @ Stockholm Pride.
Oh, yeah. thejamminjabber is on twitter @thejamminjabber.
Thank you Dlisted for introducing me to my new crush. Her name is Kim Petras, and she is a 16 year-old German pop star. Her music sucks, but she’s a cutie. Check it out.
What’s that you say? She used to be a dude? Her clit used to be a glans? Her labia is just a bisected corpus spongiosum? I don’t think I care. Underage trim is underage trim. I’d hit it twice.
Map of Long Island
She must have been pretty cute beforehand, because most of the he-to-shes I’ve seen have had a serious case of man-face. Now that I think about it, those guys in Attack Attack! might make some pretty fuckable chicks. God knows they’re flexible. At this point, all they’re missing is the vagina.