If it smells like Bigfoot’s dick, it probably is Bigfoot’s dick. So if you are camping and you detect a musky melange of decaying wood and animal sweat, watch out- you about to get raped.
Obviously, there must be a whole race of Bigfoots out there, because like humans, some prefer men and some prefer women. Some prefer cutie-patooties (above) while others prefer mentally disturbed homeless ladies (below.) Whichever category you fall into, I have it from a very reliable source that once you go Bigfoot, you never go Bligfoot. That’s the truth, sister. You can quote me on it.
And remember, if you are raped by Bigfoot- it’s not your fault. But it’s also not an excuse to go around molesting young boys. The existence of Bigfoot has yet to be fully acknowledged by mainstream society, therefore the fact that he raped you as a child is not the best defense when you are caught inappropriately touching the neighbors kids. Trust me.
…and she’s taken that love a little too far.
That’s right, America has gone snowblind. There are monuments celebrating youthful whiteness all over this fair country of ours. Don’t believe me? What if you hear it from someone you trust? Wikipedia:
The birth of the first white child was a celebrated occasion across many parts of the New World. Such births are a matter of pride for many townships, and they are commemorated with plaques and monuments at the location of the event. The birth was seen as such an honor that it was at times controversial as to who could claim the title. As European settlers spread throughout America and Australia, the birth of a “White” child symbolized the growth and increasing permanence of their expanding civilizations.
The KKK took my baby away
There’s even one in Northern Tennessee that goes as far as celebrating the slaughter of “those savage redskins” that same winter. Thankfully, the precious bundle of ivory joy was preserved. He was needed to propagate the whiteness. It’s amazing these edifices to ethnic cleansing still exist. Just because they call it “Northern” Tennessee doesn’t mean it ain’t the South, if you know what I mean. Being white never felt so right!
Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?