Daily Archives: August 25, 2010

Devotion Vodka is Made of 100% Guido Jizz

Posted on August 25, 2010 | 1 Comment

Guido jizz vodka

Devotion vodka is purporting to be the first and only vodka to contain protein, and by protein, they mean delicious guido jizz.

Via Radar Online:

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is capitalizing on his hard-partying Jersey Shore image by endorsing Devotion Vodka.

“Mike loves it because he says you can keep your body in the best shape possible while being able to party at the same time.”

Devotion vodka is described on their website as “the first and only vodka using GUIDO JIZZ  to smooth out the vodka and give it its distinct chardonnay like finish.”

Mm… nothing goes down smoother than guido jizz- except maybe tripe like this. Anyone who believes a celebrity endorsed vodka will help keep them in shape because some greasy douche stirred it with his wang deserves AIDS. Lucky for them, it cums free in every bottle. Bottoms up, losers!

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Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Douchebaggery

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Platypi Have The Most Amazing Penis In All Of Creation

Posted on August 25, 2010 | 2 Comments
Platypus Love

Time to get my fuck on.

Take that, Sus scrofa and your corkscrew shaped member, Echidnas have you beat! These amazing creatures have a bifurcated  hemipenis with a total of four, count ‘em, four heads. The thing looks like David Cronenberg’s shower nozzle. (Click HERE if you hate your eyes. If that doesn’t faze you, click HERE for a video of a very similar penised animal.) Now that you are thoroughly repulsed, here’s the science behind the sex:

This resembles very much the way lizards and snakes ejaculate: they have a double penis (named hemipenis), but only one of the two penises is used during the copulation, while the other will effectuate the next copulation/ejaculation.

Basically, the platypus penis is like a double-barreled shotgun. It only pulls one trigger at a time, giving it twice the mating proficiency of a lowly single-penised organism. That way, if a ladypus asks the post-coital question, ” are you ready to go again,” the inevitable answer is “yes.” That kind of turnaround will get you a lot of platypussy!

Garden of Eden

Lost in the Garden of Eden

The platypus may be the weirdest creature in all of nature, but it doesn’t corner the market on the hemipenis. As stated above, certain reptiles have a bifurcated member as well. That means a snake has a forked tongue and a forked penis. No wonder he was able to so successfully manipulate Eve in the Garden of Eden. He was a smooth talker and had a freakishly pleasurable wang. Poor Adam couldn’t compete.

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Posted in Animal Hijinks, Bestiality

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