For the love of god, join us on the Facebook!
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Cavity Search The Jabber
President of Calendars
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- July 2008
- May 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
Monthly Archives: October 2010
That’s right, ladies, it’s your own fault if your husband refuses to take the downtown train like Rod Stewart. Confused as to why? Most likely because you’re not shooting harsh antiseptic chemicals up your vadge to kill the cooties that incubate there.
Allow me to simplify for the uneducated housewife. “Cooties” is a scientific term for lady-germs. It comes from the same Latin origin as the word “cooter,” which literally means “flesh sauna.” If a man is frequenting a public sauna, he will naturally want to wear protective footwear. But just because you are lucky enough to have a private sauna installed in your own home does not mean scheduled maintenance should be neglected. Said maintenance falls under the jurisdiction of the lady of the house. If a feminine sauna is not properly seen to, it’s off to the local YMCA, where it’s fun for a frigid husband to stay!
If Lysol is not your twat sanitizer of choice, you might prefer their competitor- Zonite! When you absolutely need to eliminate that natural feminine odor and wreak havoc on the PH of your body, Zonite is the douche for you! Zonite is also good for paint stripping and de-greasing kitchen appliances. Now available in both lemon and “new car” scents. Try some today!
My review of The Dead Janitors Club, from ChuckPalahniuk.net:
The Dead Janitors Club is the latest entry in the emerging genre of crime scene cleaner’s memoir. Didn’t know there was a whole crop of books dedicated to the people who sop up the blood and bits of brain in the wake of heinous acts of violence? Then you probably didn’t know people actually make a living doing that sort of thing. Like Aftermath, Inc. and Mop Men before it, The Dead Janitors Club details the ins and outs of the crime scene cleanup biz, presenting titillating tales of gore for thrill-seekers and car accident gawkers. I don’t know about its predecessors, but Janitors Club is not a book about CSI caliber professionals. It is the story of a slacker frat boy and a Los Angeles county sheriff out to make a buck, learning the ropes and breaking the rules as they go.
I finally understand Christianity. From the New International Version, what is considered by many to be the dirtiest passage in the whole Bible:
19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.
So what we have here is a horny slut fantasizing about big black dicks (it takes place in Egypt) and hot, steamy loads. I’d have to check with an erotic historian, but this also might be the first documented record of bukkake. I don’t know why the dicks are specifically likened to a donkey’s while the loads are those of horses, though. I guess that was just her preference. You’d think horse and donkey dick and their respective quantity of ejaculate would be similar enough.
Again, this is all in the freakin’ Bible!!!
And she is about her father’s business. Following in the footsteps of her parents, Willow Smith pops a squat and unleashes this steaming turd on the chest of humanity. Devo are rolling in their graves, although I wouldn’t be surprised if those graves are filled with Will Smith’s money, as he continues to buy his talentless offspring fame. “What do you want for your Birthday this year, honey? A singing career? Done. I haven’t donated all our money to Scientology yet.”
It’s nice to see black people co-opting white people’s shit for a change, but haven’t we been down this road? Remember Wicked Wisdom, Jada Pinkett’s short lived metal band? I know we all tried to forget, but let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?
DISCLAIMER: Thejamminjabber is not responsible for death by douche chills.
And speaking of buying careers, I know you’re all wondering what’s going on with little Karate Kid Jaden Smith. Turns out, M. Night Shyamalan still had a vestige of a soul, because he just sold it to Will Smith. This is what happens when turds collide: Night will be developing One Thousand AE as a starring vehicle for the young set of ears. Lovers of train wrecks everywhere just got disaster boners.
And why shouldn’t he? He fucking invented them. Female breast meat is delicious; it’s even in the bible:
let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love
See? Despite all the draconian interpretations made by puritanical tyrants, the Bible is one sexy book.
This was a big scandal a while back and resulted in the demise of Playboy Portugal, but why? You think Jesus has never seen two lesbians grinding their pussy cheeks all over each other? Why do you think sapphic sex exist in the first place? It must get pretty boring monitoring the “for procreation only” love-making of repressed Catholics, so cut the guy some slack.
What’ll it be, ladies? Long and thin or short and stout? What would be more pleasurable- an 8 inch dick that’s one inch thick, or a 1 inch dick that’s 8 inches thick? Because I know what meat-head jocks think you think. One of the first links to come up when you Google “pencil dick vs. tuna can” is this hotbed of homophobia/homo-eroticism from the Bodybuilding.com forum entitled What’s The Ideal Penis Size? (No Homo). Seriously. The highlights:
well i hear girls say all the time that it’s too big etc etc.
so im wonderin whats the ideal penis size.
Wallet size is more important than penis size
Female vag is 8 inches long so u want 8 inches brah
every girl I have ever asked has said that 7-9 inches is perfect, smaller is too small, bigger is too big.
length doesn’t matter .. 7 inch is good but most matters is girth.. good size girth is probably 4 inches i think?
also to seal this post off, no homo
7 inches long, 6 inches in girth is perfect
u shouldnt say no homo cuz u look like zac efron, its not right dude, its not right (shakes head and walks away)
cut or uncut?
wtf? you must be insecure about your sexuality, and how the **** do i look like zac? i got a haircut ill actually post up my new appearance and get flamed
they don’t want a pencil dick, or a tuna can. So somewhere in between
Aha different for evey woman, a 5ft girl ain’t gonna have as deep as a 6ft girl via common sense.
PERSONALLY I LIKE 15 INCHS RIGHT INTO MY ASS. No ****ing homo.
you don’t need to ****ing put no homo, especially when talking about what pleasures the woman most.
I’m pretty sure they feel it when I slam my cock into their uterus
that’s fiscally impossible
I might not hit bottom but I will stretch the edgesMost girls honestly don’t care. As long as your above 5″ you’ll be strait. Unless your trying to F*ck a black girl.
Maybe my math is off, but most of these guys claiming they have dicks with a circumference of 6 plus inches are small dick poseurs. My wrist isn’t that thick! The level of insecure douche-braggery is mind boggling. Notice how none of these juice heads mention their balls, because they are probably all on steroids and have cashew-nads.
And not that I’m surprised, but the grammar/spelling here is atrocious. It reads like a one act play written by The Incredible Hulk. Do yourself a favor and check out the entire post. It is pure comedy gold.
This year marks the 30th anniversary of seminal punk rock act Bad Religion. Seminal as in highly influential, but also metaphorically, as in “pertaining to or consisting of semen”, because from an evolutionary standpoint they are the seed that spawned countless bastard musical progeny. That would make co-founder and lead singer, Greg Graffin, the patriarch of modern melodic punk rock, but please, let’s not punish him for the sins of the son. Stubborn children need to learn from their own mistakes.
Read all about it, over at ChuckPalahniuk.net
And if you do click on it, for the love of god, don’t read it. And if you do read it, whatever you do, don’t seek it out and watch it.
What do you get when you Frankenstein scenic documentary footage of a desolate island with a filmed stand-up routine written for the stage? You get an avant-garde miasma of self-loathing and Jewish paranoia called The Electric Chair. Part King of Comedy part Death of a Salesman, director Mark Eisenstein’s little (never?) seen black comedy is most note-worthy for being veteran character actor Victor Argo’s sole starring role. In it he plays a shoe salesman turned comic working out his marital issues in front of an audience that includes his domineering mother and himself as a boy. On stage with him- an electric chair, which he is continually warned to stay away from.