I know most of you don’t give a hoot about my “serious” journalistic work, but this is a big one. Anne Rice has sold so many books it’s intimidating. In fact, she could say the number while holding her pinky in front of her lips a la Dr. Evil- that’s how many books she’s sold. Nearly 100 million worldwide, to be precise, which makes her one of the most widely read authors in modern history (all this according to Wikipedia.) Let’s have a slice of excerpt pie, shall we?
Anne O’brien Rice has a bit of a history here at The Cult. Since lost in the great Drupal transfer of the aughts, the incident in question exists solely as hearsay and conjecture, bandied about the hallowed halls of the forum like some sort of literary urban legend. As the story goes, Ms. Rice didn’t take too kindly to comments made about her work by some keyboard critic and decided to open up a can of whup ass. Since there is no record of the event, it begs the question- if a bestselling author raises a stink and nothing exists to prove it, did it ever actually happen?
Check out the full interview over at ChuckPalahniuk.net, where Ms. Rice and I discuss everything from religion and God to calling out detractors on the internets.
In an eerie coincidence from which my hit count will surely benefit, photographer Gary Gross has passed away at the age of 73. He died of natural causes in his Manhattan home on December 30th, just two days after this post was written. I’d like to think I shed a little well-deserved light on his tumultuous career before he passed, and that it comforted him. Full story HERE.
Despite it’s chronological year of release, this is the gray-bushed, great grand mammy of them all- Louis Malle’s “tasteful” love letter to child prostitution, Pretty Baby. The controversial film starred a 12 year old Brooke Shields as the daughter of a N’awlins prozzie whose virginity is sold to the highest bidder. Hijinks ensue.
Unfortunately, the controversy overshadowed some of the better aspects of an otherwise mediocre film- namely Susan Sarandon’s glorious breasts! I’ve wanted to see those magnificent milk mounds since The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and they do not disappoint. She puts her young costar to shame in that department (although she could have shaved the pits.) I guess that’s what you get when you hire a French director.
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of The Lord!
Brooke’s boy body also overshadowed the small but pivotal role of Highpockets, a problematic pussy patron portrayed by the one and only Gerrit Graham. The master thespian is best known for playing effeminate cock-rocker Beef in Brian De Palma’s campy rock opera, Phantom of the Paradise. BEEF! It’s what’s for dinner.
Clicky for the icky
But if it’s straight controversy you want, let us not forget that two years before the hubbub over Pretty Baby, a ten year old Brooke posed completely nude in the tub for photographer Gary Gross. We’re not talking baby’s first bath, here. We’re talking tarted up and oiled down. The pictures were to be published by Playboy (!) in something called Sugar and Spice. Seriously. Not only that, in 1983 a US court ruled the pictures were NOT child pornography, so viddy with impunity, ya pervs!
The controversy doesn’t stop there. Also in 1983, a photograph of one of Gross’ original pieces was taken by Richard Prince, an artist famous for his “reproduction photography.” Prince called his version Spiritual America, after a 1923 photograph by Alfred Stieglitz that depicts the genitals of a workhorse (WIKIPEDIA). While Gross’ photographs basically ruined his career, Prince’s photo of his photo was heralded as artistic genius and a bold statement on the complex nature of human sexuality. Go figure.
Which brings us back to Malle’s film. Its prepubescent lead ensured it a place in the annals (anals?) of film history, but is the uproar justified? Is Pretty Baby just child pornography gussied up as art? Personally, I prefer my sexually exploited children a year or two older, so I don’t see the danger in it. But if you want someone to vilify, I’d suggest pointing the chubby finger of blame at Teri Shields, who pimped out her own daughter to sate her dreams of vicarious stardom. Thanks, mom!
PREVIOUSLY ON FILMS I’VE SEEN THAT CONTAIN UNDERAGE NUDITY:
Pedophiles rejoice! Miley Cyrus is no longer underage! Although, I guess therein lies the attraction, so this will be a day of mourning for some. But for those of you who like to walk a fine line between socially acceptable and jailable offense… Miley Cyrus is officially legal!
To celebrate, Egotastic has posted an hilarious tribute video, chronicling Miley’s transformation from tween starlet to full-blown slutbag. I would have posted it here, but apparently Miley’s underage cleavage and camel toe are property of Sony Music Entertainment, so you can only view it on youtube.
Personally, I don’t see it. She’s a bit… husky for my tastes. And awkward. When she’s trying to be sexy, it’s more like a mentally challenged orangutan emulating sexy. But to each his own. We know Billy Ray likes it.
Enjoy it while it lasts, Miley. 18 is the beginning of the end. At least we still have that chick from Gossip Girls with the shitty band who flashes her underage chest meat at shows. Now she’s sexy.
He’s also the Antichrist, so hide yo kids, hide yo wife. Lars Von Trier and Republicans tried to warn us, but we wouldn’t listen. The only way to defeat him is to drill a hole in his leg and make him ejaculate blood with the help of a mystical talking fox. Watch yourself! Cuz this is one insatiable pussy crook who won’t be stopped. He wants to take away your guns and give your money to lazy minorities. He wants to create an Islamic socialist paradise where chaos reigns.
It’s amazing people are still afraid of this when Obama has proven ineffectual on most of his grandiose liberal promises.
Do people still do this? I mean, they don’t even really look good on black guys- I’m just not man enough to tell them that. In fact, I won’t listen to any band that has a white member with dreads (especially if he “plays” the turntables), no matter how good they are. It’s a matter of principle. I hate hippies, and metal hippies are the worst. Take your peace and love and your lice and take a fucking shower, Pig-Pen.
This is one of the first pics to come up when you image search “white guy dreads.” Too bad the guy in the drawing looks like K-Solo with vitiligo. I appreciate the sentiment, but EPIC FAIL.
Any chick desperate enough to sleep with this scum-bag, who henceforth will be referred to as “tarantula head,” should be burned, along with the sheets and the bed and the house said copulation took place in.
The 90′s are over, dude. Time to shave those hair-turds.
Sorry, Jon Favereu. I know you love Counting Crows, but just because you tricked people into paying to see Elf doesn’t mean you can pull off the impossible.
This underage chick would be totally cute if she cut her hair like Natalie Portman in V For Vendetta.
Thejamminjabber is proud to present, one of the greatest rock n’ roll bands of all time, performing their little heard masterpiece- CORNSHUCKER! This sentimental ode to dirt trail off-roading was recorded during the Lies sessions, but was considered too real by up-tight suits for inclusion. Some choice lyrics:
Two weeks later
My sex life was drab
Instead of a wang
All I had was a scab
If you’re sleazy
You better think I’m first
‘Cause I’ve got a dick like liverwurst
She’s a cornchucker
A real buttfucker
Gonna watch my dick
As I make her butt pucker
And you thought Sweet Child O’ Mine was the only song Axl ever wrote about Erin Everly.
Do you know where the fuck you are, corn?!?!?!?
I know this is probably old news to some, but in the immortal words of a famous dead rapper- if you don’t know, now you know, (police and) nigga(s). So suck it.
If you’ve never seen a dude getting blown by a dog, now’s your chance. If you’ve never seen a dude getting blown by a dog get national news coverage, you’ve been living in the dark ages.
Here’s the short version- some “famous” Australian rugby player got wasted and had his teammate’s dog blow him as a prank (that’ll show ‘em!) Consider the prank bar raised, because I don’t think anyone’s gonna top that bit of jackassery any time soon. For some reason, photographic documentation of the incident still exists on Twitter, so click on this link HERE if you hate your eyes. You can almost hear Sarah McLaughlin singing In The Arms of the Angels in the background. If you are interested in more than just the erotic entertainment value of a man getting blown by a dog, you can get the full story HERE.
