Ah, the 90′s. Ms. Amos went from good ol’ fashioned phallic mushroom lover to man-eating volcano goddess. Some say her dissatisfaction with men drove her to the gentle, warm mouth of the porcine, while others view this image as motherly, not sexual. Personally, I feel Tori just loved bacon, as nothing tastes quite as good as some milk-fed piglet steaks! Just look at her face. She’s dreaming of sharing some crunchy-ass bacon with Templeton The Rat even as we speak. Having to silence that squealing maw with one of her pink flesh corks is a small price to pay. I know I have written about the dangers of humans nursing animals in the past (HERE), but piglets are so cute and harmless and delicious, I think we can make an exception. That’s some (tasty) pig.
Boys For Pele
Previously on For The Love of Bestiality:
Greta Scacchi, Terry Gilliam and Emilia Fox Have Taken Their Love of Dead Cod A Little Too Far
Gay dudes have taken their love of buff guys dressed as animals a little too far
Peta has taken their love of animals a little too far
Debra Winger has taken her love of German Shepherds a little too far
Bo Derek has taken her love of horses a little too far
Not because he beat his woman, but because he’s a fucking idiot. All the neanderthal chest-pounding and tough guy posturing is gonna blow up in his face, literally, when BK Burger or whoever the fuck puts his metallic, phallic blunderbuss in a brotha’s mouth.
Chris Brown‘s Twitter feud with former B2K singer Raz B took a violent turn last night — when Raz’s brother posted a video threatening to put a “mother f**king pistol” in Brown’s mouth.
Even after being threatened with a lead salad, he doesn’t know when to quit. “I’ll be in LA real soon.” Yeah, the LA County morgue. This whole thing is like a less talented version of Biggie and Tupac. You look real tough battling it out ON TWITTER with the rest of the teenage girls. Just have a Sissy Boy Slap Party and get it over with already.
What now, punk bitches? Am I “ain’t welcome in LA” now either?
Posted in Hip Hop, Music
Tagged B2K, Biggie Smalls, Chris Brown, Domestic Violence, Fueds, Guy Maddin, Notorious BIG, Raz B, Rihanna, Sissy Boy Slap Party, Tupac
Sure, it looks pretty, but then it makes life ten times more difficult. No, I’m not talking about women, I’m talking about the bitch that is snow. Even though they are both bitter and cold, only one has wrecked my car. Oh, wait…
The story of me, after shoveling
Fuck snow blowers, I’m gonna get myself a flame thrower.
Don’t live in a major metropolitan area currently being dumped on by fluffy albino shit? Skip to about the 2:15 mark to be vicariously raped by winter.
Hungry Eyes... I feel the magic between MY thighs!
I’ll have what she’s having.
Some Black Swan spoilers here, folks, albeit sexy ones.
Add Natalie Portman to the list of women who can eat their own pussy, even though she’s taken a slightly different approach. What starts out as a “lezzie wet dream” wherein Mila munches down on Natalie’s Kunis turns into a bizarre meta-masturbatory fantasy. All aboard the tuna train to chow town!
She bop, he bop, a we bop...
She also goes knuckle deep while her mother is in the room sleeping. Thank you, Darren Arronofsky, for using your powers for good. You have given hope to nebbish men everywhere that one day they too might wield such power over beautiful women under the pretext of “art.”
See both, bootleg quality videos over at Egotastic.
Posted in Film, Gay and Lesbian, Sexuality
Tagged Autocunnilingus, Black Swan, Cunnilingus, Cyndi Lauper, Darren Arronofsky, Dirty Dancing, Eric Carmen, Grumpy Old Men, Hungry Eyes, Masturbation, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, She Bop
Regurgitated from the press release, via Gamernode (which is a dirty joke in and of itself):
FIRST WORKING DEMO OF KINECT CONTROLLER FOR SEX GAMES INTERFACE!
thriXXX software gmbh, the world’s leading provider of 3D role playing game sex simulation videogames, is adding support for Microsoft’s xBox Kinect device to its line of 3DSexGames titles available at http://www.3dsexgames.com.
Booooooooring. But if you go to http://www.3dsexgames.com, holy shit is that a glory hole of comedy gold, including drilldos, footjobs, and full V-Stroker support!
Not only that, there is a whole community of people out there, waiting to participate in a myriad of simulated sexual activities that don’t involve actual human interaction. We’re talking golden showers, pleasuring freakishly large-breasted women, zero G space sex, whatever the hell that last one is… You can even live out your fantasy of being a stud Lambo mechanic who gets under the hoods of cars by day and under the hoods of racer sluts by night.
We’ve come a long way since the days of Custer’s Revenge for Atari 2600, although none of the current gen of sex games can even come close to the subversive joy of having pixelated revenge-sex with a bound and gagged squaw. Air-groping some cartoon boobs seems tame by comparison. And sucks for you, Microsoft has already vowed to block such applications of their hardware. So you’re stuck making like The Lawnmower Man and sticking your dick in your USB Fleshlight.
Posted in Sexuality, Uncategorized, Video Games
Tagged Atari, Custer's Revenge, Fleshlight, Kinect, Lawnmower Man, Pornography, Sex Simulation, Sex Toys, Virtual Sex, Xbox
Accidental YA read is nothing like accidental butt sex. The realization is a more gradual process, and involves less searing anus pain. It is, however, just as unfair to the unsuspecting person on the receiving end. From Chucky P dot Knee:
I think I just accidentally read a YA novel and I’m a little pissed about it.
Granted, there were no inter-Universal Monster romances, but I should have seen the signs- the atypical mass market meets trade product dimensions, the MTV Books imprint, the cover blurb from Stephanie Kuehnert (although to be fair, I had no idea who she was until I looked it up)- so I’ve got no one to blame but myself.
I considered bailing, but fuck it- I’m gonna write a review anyway. The publicist was pushing for it, and I can’t be held responsible if they misjudged their target audience. If Belushi actually is a YA novel in disguise, it’s gonna have to grow up, and fast. And if it isn’t…
Poor JB is rolling in his grave. I suffered through the novel, now suffer through my review. John Belushi Is Dead. Long live John Belushi!
Why couldn't it have been Jim?
Posted in Books, Film, Reviews
Tagged ChuckPalahniuk.net, Death, Drugs, Hollywood, Hollywood Ending, Jim Belushi, John Belushi, Kathy Charles, Surprise Butt Sex
MY EYES!!! I'M BLIND!!!
I know I’m a little late on the whole John Lennon anniversary thing, but here’s my own bizarre, belated contribution to the celebration (celebration?) SHUNTING JOKO!!! The amorphous blob of ineffectual hippy love with 16 heads and 1 anus! (S)he will consume and subsume, rendering your meager lives inert with his(er) grandiose proclamations of healing do-goodery. If you see this creature, DO NOT ENGAGE, or THIS will happen:
Thankfully, the kaleidoscopic effect masks the tufty sprouts of sphincter hair visible in the original picture. So there’s that.
Rat vs Severed Zombie Penis
Now if you’re anything like me, you’d probably assume these big-balled Bubals got that way by drinking the menstrual blood of cows. Word on the Savanna is they love that shit more than Ken Griffey Jr. loves nerve tonic. It’s available at the local bodega in convenient 40 ounce bottles, or you can drink it straight from the “tap.” Bubals get loaded up on cow menz and cruise around the Serengeti on giraffes, doing drive-bys.
As pretty a picture as that is, it turns out it’s just a fanciful myth perpetuated by the internet. These testicular tribesmen don’t drink cow period, they just happen to be suffering from a good old fashioned case of elephantitis of deez nutz. Fortunately for them, gigantic gonads are gigantic gonads, and tourists are always willing to pay big bucks to see big balls. It’s what keeps the African economy strong.
It's what's for dinner
Posted in Animal Hijinks
Tagged AC/DC, Africa, Ashley Johnson, Big Balls, Bubal, Cows, Elephantitis, Latch, Menstrual Blood, Primal, Testicles, The Simpson's