Monthly Archives: December 2010

This is too good not to re-post. From Metal Sucks:

From Lee’s semi-coherent letter to SeaWorld president Terry Prather:

After learning about the bizarre way you breed killer whales, my friends at PETA and I are stumped about SeaWorld’s announcement that no people will ever again have direct contact with Tilikum, the orca who has killed three people including his trainer this year [sic]. We understand that you refuse to release this frustrated whale because he is your chief sperm bank, and we know from SeaWorld’s own director of safety … that the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water. Even during my wildest days with Motley Crue, I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted. Simply put, how can SeaWorld claim that trainers no longer have direct contact with this whale when they are jacking him off? That is about as ‘direct’ as it gets.

First of all, shut the fuck up, Tommy Lee. How many underage girls have you had sex with? While their mother’s watched? While playing a drum solo? You don’t see me writing letters to RAINN to complain about you, do you? No, I just close my eyes, put on Dr. Feelgood, and pretend like it never happened.

Secondly, no one cares about unfulfilled celebrities and their pet social projects. Celebs should be seen and not heard (especially in the case of your post-Crue output.) So get the fuck back on your levitating drum set and fly off into the sunset, Tommy Lee, before you destroy what’s left of your already tenuous legacy.

Lastly, we as humans have to attend to the sexual needs of large aquatic mammals, otherwise they will RAPE OUR WOMEN!!! A few severed cow vaginas is a small price to pay.