Monthly Archives: July 2011

I Got A Spotify Invite Via That Douche From Linkin Park

Posted on July 28, 2011 | 2 Comments

Mike Shinoda Douche

And so can you, because apparently they’re still available. Just click-tickle dude’s prison pussy goatee and claim it. The link’s been up for over ten days, so either they gave dude a shit-ton or no one gives a fuck about this band anymore. The ones Coke gave away were gone in 60 seconds like Nicolas Cage’s sanity, so you make the call.

I didn’t even know who Mike Shinoda was; I just Googled “Spotify invite” and a link to his website came up. After I posted the link on Facebook, all “Who the fuck is this Shitnola dude?” I was lambasted with the type of colloquial pejoratives that are persistently popular amongst the kids these days. Stuff like gay weenus lover, fecal cootie butt toucher, and the like. But the joke’s on them, because they actually knew numb nards by name. Suckers!

You’d figure by using this link, your account would be pre-loaded with Linkin Park’s shitty back catalog, but thankfully that is not the case. So use this gift wisely and go check out something good, like the new Masto-tune (Black Tongue), or Cool Night by Paul Davis. Or don’t. Because like the song says, in the end it doesn’t even matter. Shit-nuts may care whether you like his music or not, but it’s no skin off my dick.

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Posted in Music, Technology

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Bunny Cunni

Posted on July 21, 2011 | 1 Comment

Bunny Cunni

Or, 19th Century Women Have Taken Their Love of Rabbits A Little Too Far.

Or, Films I Haven’t Seen That Contain Rabbit On Woman Sex That A Malaysian With Bad Grammar Is More Qualified To Review Than I.

So I’ll let him take it away. Via L2 Movies Talk, your new favorite movie review site:

From the ever erotica director, Walerian Borowczyk, a very good film of showing the immoral women behaviour in 3 parts of different short stories. Kinda love it except the 3rd story Marie. I preferred the 1st one which show how bad a woman can be when they wanted to. Wow, i m gonna find Borowczyk’s production :)

Immoral-Women-Cover

2nd woman – Marceline
Marceline is young and slut, she has a rabbit name Pinky. She always play with her rabbit and let it tickle her pussy. She ignore her parents and her parents get angry and cook her rabbit and force her to eat it. Marceline get angry and ran away, she ran to Petrus the black butcher and seduce him. Petrus rape Marceline in the barn and discovered she’s a virgin. He thought Marceline was dead and hang himself in the barn, but later on discover Marceline was not dead and ask for help. Marceline did not help and left him hang to dead, she then take away Petrus’ knife and slash her parents throat while they are sleeping.

water-dancer-rabbit-vibrator

Wow, never come between a girl and her rabbit. We here in the future have learned that lesson well and now encourage Lepine lovin’ (see above pic of bunny and “water dancer”). I guess young Marceline didn’t believe in reciprocating, because although she enjoyed when her bunny ate her, she didn’t enjoy eating her bunny.

On a tenuously related note, you know who else was a water dancer?

Arya Water Dancer

You’re all going to hell.

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Posted in Bestiality, Books, Film, Sexuality, Television

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I Fucking Hate Cyclists!

Posted on July 21, 2011 | 6 Comments
Jerk Cyclist

I got yer rules of the road right here, buddy!

Okay, I admit it. I’m an anti-veloist. I hate cyclists. They are a bunch of trendy, hypocritical douche-nuggets with an irrational sense of entitlement. They are rude, obnoxious, selfish and think they are above the law (even though it is there to protect them). They are waging a self-righteous war on motorists out of false ecological concern. It is elitism of the worst kind.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those guys who rejoices at the sight of cyclists being mowed down. As a licensed driver, I’m perfectly happy to share the road. But as a pedestrian, I’m all too aware of the double standard when it comes to our spandex-clad friends. They get all indignant and whine like bitches when a car happens too close to them (even when they are weaving in and out of traffic), but don’t give a second thought to whizzing down the bike lane on a one-way street IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly been flattened by one of those assholes, only to have them get pissed at me. You’re supposed to follow the same rules as a motorist, shithead, and that includes driving in the right direction.

Cry Baby Cyclist

Your average NYC cyclist

It’s a fucking war zone out there. The battle for New York City streets is fast becoming the new Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Bike lanes are like the Gaza Strip and cyclists are like refugees armed with rocks. Plus, Jews hate them! Smelly orthodox Jews and equally smelly hipsters have been butting heads over bike lanes since forever (2009). Much like the ongoing culture clash in the Middle East, I don’t see this one being resolved any time soon.

thejamminjabber’s handy guide to New York City cyclists:

Bike Messenger- I’ve got a package, people! (Oh, and I will also steal your laptop while I’m in your office.)

Hipster Cyclist- The worst. Transportation as fashion statement. Just die.

Old Asian Cyclist- They’re just as bad on bikes as they are in cars. Grandma thinks she’s riding down a dirt road in the old country.

Gangsta Cyclist- Weed and bikes don’t mix, but at least these guys ride slow. Just don’t get caught in a drive-by.

Euro Trash Cyclist- He wants you to see his sponsors and his nuts. This ain’t the Tour de France, buddy!

Delivery Guy- I appreciate you bringing me my lunch, amigo, just try not to run me over, please.

Wall Street Cyclist- A rare breed, but they exist. Patrick Bateman with his pant leg rolled up and a helmet on.

Kevin Bacon in QuicksilverCyclist- The only good cyclist there is.

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Posted in Sports

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Kylie Jenner: We’re All Going To Hell

Posted on July 20, 2011 | 2 Comments

Kylie Jenner Jail Bait

Via The Superficial

You know, I think they should start measuring age of consent on a sliding scale. Forget about emotionally and mentally- if your body says you’re ready, then you’re fucking ready. If this were the middle ages, Kylie Jenner would be married off to some dirty old man against her will and popping out babies by now.

I know papa Bruce agrees with me. He’s been letting her gallivant around town, showing off her 13 year old camel toe for the paparazzi smear. If he didn’t approve of the sexualization of his own children, he wouldn’t have let this happen:

Embedding is disabled, so just fucking watch it on youtube. It’s a video of an even younger Kylie pole dancing like the future slut that she is on national television while her whore of a sister eggs her on. As George Washington Duke would say, only in America!

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Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Child Pornography, Sexuality, Underage Pussy

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Bangable Racist Folk Singers No Longer Singers Or Racist, Still Bangable

Posted on July 19, 2011 | 1 Comment

Lynx and Lamb Nazi Hot

Via The Daily

A few caveats:

1- They’re still making offensive art- offensive to people with good taste, that is!

2- They’re fucking hippies now. In my book, that’s worse than being a Nazi (at least from a fashion standpoint.)

3- They’re still kind of racist. Lamb claims she is a fan of diversity, but when asked about the holocaust, she had this to say-

I just think everyone needs to frickin’ get over it. That’s what I think.

What a sweet little Lamb!

Nazi Twins Art

Frankly, now that they’re of age and not as racist, their  appeal is kind of lost on me. And what’s up with the hair on blondie? She looks like an old, bloated Debbie Harry. Is she the cancer one? Because if that’s a wig, she can do better. If not, she needs more chemo. I just might have to revoke her bang status. She can still watch me and her sister, though.

Don’t know what the hell I’m talking about? Click HERE.

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Posted in Art, Music, Racism, White Power!

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Incest: The Real Mystery Behind “Super 8″

Posted on July 5, 2011 | 1 Comment

Super 8 Incest

Following in the footsteps of Back to the Future, Star Wars, and other like-minded pieces of Spielbergian entertainment, Super 8 is a film with a dirty little secret at its core- INCEST. But unlike those other films, in which the secret ain’t so secret, Super 8 plays it subtle, choosing to shroud its aberrant sexuality in an air of mystery.

And it’s a better film for it. Long after the disappointment of the recycled Cloverfield monster is gone,  you’ll be all, “Wait a minute…” and suddenly you’re in love with Super 8 all over again. Forbidden love, that is, AKA the greatest love of all. (Take it away, Whitney!)

Embedding is disabled, but it’s worth clicking the link. Trust me.

Let me spell it out for the oblivious. When Louis Dainard crashes the funeral of Jackson Lamb’s wife, it isn’t solely because he feels responsible for her death- it’s because HE LOVED HER. They were having an affair, and, as you can imagine, that shit burned Jackson’s ass.

Not only that, the lovely Alice Dainard, who is the object of young Joe Lamb’s affection, is obviously a byproduct of their monkey-coupling. So you can see why Dad A and Dad B would want to keep those crazy kids as far away from each other as humanly possible. The two men hate each other as it is; neither of them wants to assume joint custody of an inbred retard baby and be forced to live out their lives like some sort of comically mismatched sitcom duo.

Need more proof? You know the scene where Alice cries while watching the filmstrip of Joe’s dead mom? That’s because IT’S HER MOTHER TOO. But she isn’t crying tears of sadness. No, those are tears of frustration. Because in that moment she begins to understand that the world will never accept the unholy love she has for her brother.

But all is not lost, for this perverted tale ends on a glimmer of hope. During the final scene, in which Joe lets go of his mother’s locket, he is really letting go of his shared lineage with Alice. They no longer have a mother, because her memory was needed to fuel a space alien’s rocket ship. The two lovebirds are flanked by their fathers, who have come to terms with being a non-gay couple raising a pair of incestuous siblings. It signifies a new era of the American family, and is a great victory for love.

At least that’s my interpretation, which is a hell of a lot more interesting than what actually happens in Man-eating E.T. Vs. The Goonies.

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Posted in Film, Incest, Sexuality

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