Monthly Archives: November 2011

Ghoul Chat: Four Dudes Engage In A Kissing Contest

Posted on November 18, 2011 | 3 Comments
Kissing Contest

MS Paint Holocaust: Why does this naked chick have a belt on and why does she have a belly button where her vagina should be?

This week I was invited to make a guest appearance on the awesome fun-time homosexual podchat program know as KISSING CONTEST. Yeah, I’d never heard of it either. But it’s not often I’m offered speaking engagements, so I begrudgingly humbly accepted the offer. The popular cast is billed as being about movies, television, and sweet boys, and I was assured its rabid fanbase numbered in the tens. It’s hosted by a couple of sleazy white dudes and their young Asian cohort, and is broadcast at 1.21 gigawatts of power from Sawyer’s love den in the heart of the Brooklyn ghetto.

We mainly talked about horror movies and cracked a bunch of racially insensitive jokes. I was a little concerned about my annoying “on air” voice, but was assured I sounded like a regular TBD (tough black dude), which soothed my ego.  Unfortunately, that was filthy a lie. When I actually got a chance to listen the cast, I sounded exactly like the whiny Jew that I am.  C’est la vie.

La vie.

Check out Ghoul Chat: Kissing Contest #63 right HERE. Seriously, support these guys. They live in a crack house.

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Posted in Film, Racism, Television

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The Labia Menorah

Posted on November 6, 2011 | Leave a comment
Labia-Menorah

8 crazy nights indeed!

Goddammit! Somebody stole my idea! I was totally gonna sell it to T-shirt Hell and make a killing. I was so excited when I first thought of this, I jumped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my dripping nethers, and did a Google search in the Shia Le Buff.

Dirty minds must think alike, because I found the subject on the tip of many an online tongue, like so much twattle (HERE and HERE). Loose lips sink ships, so consider my cunt currency ship sunk. (I also would have accepted: Yonic Yen Yacht, Slit Salary Schooner, Pussy Peso Pinnace, Beaver Bankroll Boat, Financial Furburger Fleet, and Marine Money Minge.)

Man-orah

Hm… how about a phallic Man-orah? Goddammit! That’s been taken too. Looks like its back to the drawing board for me. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! I know it may be a bit premature, but if Starbucks can sell Santa Jizz Machiatos before it is even Thanksgiving, then I can give a preemptive Sephardic shout out.

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Posted in Fashion, Jews, Religion, Sexuality, Vagina, Women's Issues

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Slutdate

Posted on November 5, 2011 | 3 Comments

LitReactor

Longtime, Sunshine/Sondheim/Sonatine.

I know, I know… I’ve been spending all my time with that time-burgling slut-mistress, LitReactor.  I think Mrs. Jabber is starting to get suspicious. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this business trip/golf tournament/hunting weekend ruse.

But I’ve been doing great things over at ye olde reactor of lit, and I gotta tell someone about all the hot, dirty sex I’ve been having with someone who isn’t my wife. You want details, you horndogs?

-I wrote a couple columns about the Top 10 Literary Jerks of all time. It contains enough racism, sex, and violence to sate most of my regular irregular blog readers.

-I interviewed cult provocateur Dennis Cooper, author of the George Miles Cycle. If that sounds too highbrow for you, bear in mind that he writes almost exclusively about gay sociopaths, gay cannibalistic serial killers, gay rape and incest, and gay necrophilia.

-I also wrote an update on/conducted a mini-interview with MIA sci-fi author Jeff Noon. If that sounds too highbrow for you, bear in mind that his debut novel, Vurt, contains its fair share of hallucinogenic drug use, brother/sister incest, and Dogman sex.

-I also oversaw some controversial news posts that saw us being accused of sexism, racism, and fostering a literary male hegemony.

So don’t be fooled by LitReactor’s academic trappings, dear minions, we’re having a lot of fun over there. It allows me to indulge my love of all things literary, and still manage to flex my patented brand of flippant verbosity. So just like Bartles and Jaymes, I thank you for your support.

And just in case this post isn’t dirty enough to attract the usual amount of search engine traffic, I’ll be tagging it: UNDERAGE NUDITY, TEENAGE PUSSY, BESTIALITY, NAMBLA, HOT GAY SEX, and HOW TO SUCK YOUR OWN DICK.

Stay tuned, because the wife is expecting me and I’ve got a lot of horrific posts planned for thejabber. I’ll be covering such hot-button topics as homosexual African American astronauts, alien sex toys, underage teen bestiality porn, and much much more.

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Posted in Auto Fellatio, Bestiality, Books, Incest, Sexuality, Stupid White Men, Underage Pussy

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