Category Archives: Animal Hijinks

I'm so wet...

And you guys thought I had nothing left to say on the subject of dolphin sex.

That’s probably because you haven’t read, Wet Goddess: Recollections of A Dolphin Lover. Self-published in 2010 with an initial press run of fifty, Goddess is a fictionalized account of some dude’s tumultuous love affair with a lady dolphin that has yet to see a second printing. According to the FAQ over at the official website (!), it took the author over forty years to write the pamphlet sized tome because, you know, those dolphins ain’t gonna fuck themselves. But before you get all high-and-mighty and pass judgment, please, remember- this was the 70′s. It was a wild time, full of key parties, wife swapping and aquatic mammalian sex orgies. Ask your parents, they’ll tell you.

The face of a dolphin fucker

In one of the boldest moves known to man, author Malcolm J. Brenner opted against using a nom de fish-fucker and went with his government name. Because of this, he is widely considered to be the face of the delphinic movement. What kind of man rapes embarks on a romantic relationship with a dolphin? Brenner’s bio offers some insight:

Hanging over Brenner’s childhood was his parents’ interest in the pseudo-scientific theories of Wilhelm Reich, the notorious post-Freudian psychiatrist. Reich claimed to have discovered “orgone energy,” a primordial force that was the origin of the sex drive.  At an early age, Brenner was sexually molested by an “orgonomist” (orgone energy doctor) trained and certified by Reich to work with children. He plans to document this terrifying experience in a forthcoming autobiography, “Growing Up In The Orgone Box.”

I will read the shit out of that book. It’s like a bizarre, American version of WR: Mysteries of the Organism.

Not in the ear, please

Sometime after this, Brenner graduated from high school, went to college, and fucked a dolphin. But the weirdness doesn’t stop there. His first wife was a witch, who taught him not to judge his relationship with the dolphin on its form, but on its content. Shockingly, that ended in divorce. Then, he met a normal woman:

While living in Shiprock, Brenner proposed to a woman from Farmington, N.M. with two children. Two weeks before their wedding, he was shocked to learn that she had had a remarkable and protracted UFO ‘encounter’ in 1978. Recovering the suppressed memories of this event left her wracked with fear for her safety, and with questions about her own identity. Torn between his feelings for his spouse and his inherent skepticism, Brenner took the investigation as far as he dared. The harrowing experience of investigating his wife’s unbelievable story is the subject of “The Jor-Dan Chronicle,” Brenner’s next novel.

I will read the shit out of that book as well. This guy is 3 for 3.

While his second family collapsed around him, Brenner voluntarily committed himself to a locked psychiatric ward in Gallup, N.M. for five days in late 1999 out of concern that he might lose self-control. He and his second wife divorced the next year.

Par for the course, and fodder for a fourth novel. Help support a great artist by purchasing a copy of Wet Goddess HERE. If you are on the fence, you can view a sample chapter, or if you are blind, you can listen to the author read from the prologue. Don’t let the fact that it sounds like it was written by a fifth grader deter you. This is an amazing story about the power of love. Huey Lewis wrote a song about it.

More dolphin sex

Thanks, once again, to that Big Shot, The Tall Ry.