1- They’re still making offensive art- offensive to people with good taste, that is!
2- They’re fucking hippies now. In my book, that’s worse than being a Nazi (at least from a fashion standpoint.)
3- They’re still kind of racist. Lamb claims she is a fan of diversity, but when asked about the holocaust, she had this to say-
I just think everyone needs to frickin’ get over it. That’s what I think.
What a sweet little Lamb!
Frankly, now that they’re of age and not as racist, their appeal is kind of lost on me. And what’s up with the hair on blondie? She looks like an old, bloated Debbie Harry. Is she the cancer one? Because if that’s a wig, she can do better. If not, she needs more chemo. I just might have to revoke her bang status. She can still watch me and her sister, though.
Don’t know what the hell I’m talking about? Click HERE.
Little did I know, as a young man playing Super Mario Bros. 3, that there was a rich history of folklore associated with the Tanooki [sic] suit featured in the game. If only I could go back in time to inform twelve year old me that said folklore involved giant, shape-shifting testicles- I’m sure the information would be put to good use.
(click the pictures for more pictures)
The idea of the Tanuki as a big-balled mischief maker is so old, it predates the King James Bible by hundreds of years. Take that, Jeebus! Because unlike the exploits of a certain purported messiah, the veracity of the Tanuki’s testicular endowment is based on real life. The raccoon dog has long been admired for having a comically disproportionate scrotum, and this has had a profound effect on Japan’s popular culture.
It is a full frontal sack attack- from 19th century woodblock prints to children’s cartoons to advertisements to breakfast cereals. There is even a nursery rhyme about them:
Tan-tan-tanuki’s testicles,
there isn’t even any wind
but they still go swing-swing-swing
No Mary Had A Little Lamb for Japanese school children, they’re straight singin’ about raccoon nuts!
While primarily used in a humorous context, there have been several reported cases of the fetishising of these furry little creatures and their big, furry balls. It goes without saying that perverts should proceed with caution. Because although they appear to be cute and cuddly, Tanukis are still wild animals. The woman in the illustration below may look to be on the brink of transcendental ecstasy, but in actuality she is in for the tit-scratching of a lifetime. If those wounds were to get infected, they could lead to frothing at the teat and breast-rabies.
Someone has taken their love of Tanuki balls a little too far.
Tanuki lover may seem poised to succeed crazy cat lady as the lifestyle of choice for lonely spinsters, but best to keep that relationship platonic. That way, you won’t get your heart broken or your breast meat tore up. And if you’re a dude, you won’t get your dick bit.
Click to be put on an FBI watch list for uncensored image
Inspired by last week’s human horse-hoodie, I decided to scour the internet like a Brillo pad for more masturbation fodder creepy Anime. Low and behold, all I had to do was Google “creepy Anime” and I immediately hit pervert-dirt. If you want to engage in a discussion about whether the “artist” in question is a demented weirdo or not, head on over to The Internet Is Terrible for the original post. You’ll also want to head over there if the selections I’ve chosen are not enough to sate your appetite for underage cartoon she-males in compromising positions.
Milk, milk...
...lemonade...
So is this paean to penciled pubescent pudendum obscene? Me personally, I don’t like to judge people’s predilections, even if they do fall into a legal gray area. That being said, FBI, if you are reading this- I present these pictures for educational purposes only. Hopefully they will foster an open forum for discussion, bringing both perverts and non-perverts closer together.
And we love them for it. Unfortunately, you’ll have to click on through to see the full image, courtesy of For Your Amusement (Thanks?) We generally don’t censor ourselves here at The Jabber, but this pic is so out there that our lawyers won’t allow us to display it on the front page. So consider yourself warned- by clicking on the above image, you acknowledge your complicity in the manufacture and distribution of obscene material, and are subject to prosecution in an international court of law.
Just kidding! It means you’re a dirty pervert. Enjoy!
And if you are offended and want to lash out at somebody, might I recommend little girls? It is their fault that this exists. If they didn’t love horses so much, some horny old Japanese dude would never have thought to draw this. For shame, little girls, for shame!
Ok, but only if you asphyxiate yourself while my friend takes pictures of us fucking. Oh, and don’t mind the decapitated body. My brother will clean it up as soon as he’s done binge eating.
Tennis, anyone? The balls are courtesy of Chauncey over here. I caught him sleeping with my sister, so I had to sodomize him with the toilet brush and then castrate him. Fucker.
Another one, Robert? Can’t you fuck anything without killing it? How am I supposed to enjoy my bath with this fucktard rotting away in here? Go get Consuela and tell her to clean this up.
If you fucked like you had a pair, I wouldn’t have to be textin’ my bros the whole time. This alley has horrible reception. Viva la revolucion!
You’re seriously gonna want to click through for the full, uncensored image. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure there’s a tiny flame shooting out of ole Skull Face’s cock, a la Taxidermia. That, combined with the velvet panthers and the bird flippage… brilliant. If Cockotor is not your cup of tea, might I suggest the topless Lady Skeletor? Note the big-breasted She-Man in the background (not to be confused with the much more feminine She-Ra.) Those two definitely have lesbian power-sex. Unless that fur diaper she’s wearing is hiding a little trans-gender surprise, which would only serve to sweeten the deal.
Or, if you are a classicist like me, you might prefer some good old-fashioned Masters of the Universe style slash. Orko and The Sorceress seem appalled (jealous?), but Battle Cat is obviously into it. As am I. It’s nothing I didn’t make my own action figures do in the bathtub. Last week.
I’m not even gonna bother to offer up an explanation, because this amazing artwork speaks for itself. But if you feel so inclined, click on over to IO9 for the deets behind the treats. I have the poweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
She’s also taken her love of creepy-old-man-dressed-in-kiddie-pajama-sex a little too far, and I approve. I want to be that old man when I grow up. He was cast as God in one of Elle’s short films and got the added bonus of posing for erotic photos with nubile young nudies. Supposedly these images were inspired by the crazy sexual dreams of Elle’s youth, which would make her one freaky little girl.
Carl Oldy Olson shuffles off this mortal coil with a smile
But let’s backtrack. Who exactly is Elle Muliarchyk? Born in Belarus, the fashion model turned photographer is famous for taking guerrilla style portraits of herself trying on clothes in high-end boutiques. She also makes a damn good nudie video. Her most recent endeavors include sneaking into churches and dressing statues in haute coture, as well as sending models in disguise to get their fortunes read. Even without bestiality and naked chicks, her work is pretty damn cool…
Thanks to The Tall Ry of legendary NY outfit K-Fag for the heads.
Some people just can’t be satisfied with good ole’ fashioned porn. Bukkake, triple penetration, golden showers- normal stuff. They have to tart up their fetish, presenting it as “intellectual” or “artistic”. Case in point, the sculptor behind The Unicorn Orgy. I found this on a site called The World Dream Bank, which is a labyrinthine repository of nightmares and nocturnal fantasies. Basically, they use the excuse of uncensored subconscious to post fetish porn. From what I’ve read, the majority of the posts revolve around some form of bestiality (surprise), although the “I had a dream I fucked a dude, but I swear I’m not gay” dream is a close second.
Anyways, some dude spent years sculpting this, after having himself a torrid unicorn sex dream. He added the feral cat-man and wood nymph later. He is very frank when describing his freakish dream, like he is a college psych professor introducing freshman to Freud:
I witnessed a secret reunion of long-separated unicorns–transparent ghostly unicorns–that turned into a wild party, and then… a unicorn orgy!
That last part cracks me up. It’s like he is trying to maintain decorum then is overcome by libido and loses control. The term “Unicorn Orgy” should always be accompanied by an exclamation point. He probably climaxed as he typed it. Needless to say, I place the blame firmly on Unicorn Man‘s taut, lavender shoulders.
Looks like someone is giving Rick Mills a run for his naked body painting money. Amazingly, this guy doesn’t have to use his mouth to mimic R2′s bleeps and blips. Please tell me this is a still photo from a Star Wars porn parody and R2 is about to be on the receiving end of some fleshy unpleasantness.
And finally, it’s a little older, but here is a fantastic interview I conducted with one of my favorite authors, Steve Erickson. Fantastic because of him, not because of me.
