Category Archives: Cartoons

Mess With The Hitler and You Get The Girl

Girl Hitler Sieg Heil!

You mess with the girl, YOU GET THE HITLER!

Who knew the character of Girl Hitler from The Venture Bros was based on historical fact? This is almost as insane as the time the military spent over 7 million dollars developing a bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay. (HERE)

via The Daily Mail:

With no end to the Second World War in sight, British spies came up with a plan to lace Adolf Hitler’s food with female sex hormones to curb his aggressive impulses.

Agents planned to smuggle doses of oestrogen into his food to make him less aggressive and more like his docile younger sister Paula.

Uh, I believe it’s spelled estrogen? Silly Brits.

Hitler Tits

I am as happy as a little girl

While pretty ingenious, this would have been a bad idea for a number of reasons:

Everybody loves tits. Put a pair of torso nads on the most evil man who ever lived and you run the risk of making him more popular than he already is. The hormones might have mellowed him out, but the development of secondary female sex characteristics would have inspired even more devotion in his followers. The sexier a world leader is, the more powerful they are. Just ask Margaret Thatcher.

Secondly- I can’t really think of a second reason. Maybe this would have worked. Maybe Auntie Adolf would have moved to New York City and gotten involved in the club scene, becoming a wealthy socialite and world renown fashion icon. You never know…

Amanda-Lepore-Hitler

The Japanese Have Taken Their Love Of Creepy Underage Bestiality Anime Waaaaaaaaay Too Far

Horse-head-anime-sex
And we love them for it. Unfortunately, you’ll have to click on through to see the full image, courtesy of For Your Amusement (Thanks?) We generally don’t censor ourselves here at The Jabber, but this pic is so out there that our lawyers won’t allow us to display it on the front page. So consider yourself warned- by clicking on the above image, you acknowledge your complicity in the manufacture and distribution of obscene material, and are subject to prosecution in an international court of law.

Just kidding! It means you’re a dirty pervert. Enjoy!

And if you are offended and want to lash out at somebody, might I recommend little girls? It is their fault that this exists. If they didn’t love horses so much, some horny old Japanese dude would never have thought to draw this. For shame, little girls, for shame!

Skeletor Has A Big Blue Dick- Or A Pair Of Luscious Breasts, If You Prefer That

Skeletor's Dick

Click for the dick

You’re seriously gonna want to click through for the full, uncensored image. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure there’s a tiny flame shooting out of ole Skull Face’s cock, a la Taxidermia.  That, combined with the velvet panthers and the bird flippage… brilliant. If Cockotor is not your cup of tea, might I suggest the topless Lady Skeletor? Note the big-breasted She-Man in the background (not to be confused with the much more feminine She-Ra.) Those two definitely have lesbian power-sex. Unless that fur diaper she’s wearing is hiding a little trans-gender surprise, which would only serve to sweeten the deal.

Topless Lady Skeletor

Or, if you are a classicist like me, you might prefer some good old-fashioned Masters of the Universe style slash. Orko and The Sorceress seem appalled (jealous?), but Battle Cat is obviously into it. As am I. It’s nothing I didn’t make my own action figures do in the bathtub. Last week.

He-Man fucks Skeletor

I’m not even gonna bother to offer up an explanation, because this amazing artwork speaks for itself. But if you feel so inclined, click on over to IO9 for the deets behind the treats. I have the poweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!

All this drinking, violence, destruction of property… are these the things that we think of when we think of the Irish?

Simpsons Drunk Irish

Yes it is, Kent. Yes it is.

Also, Darby O’Gill and the Little People and Leprechaun in the Hood, two classics of Irish cinema.

I couldn’t find a clip with the quote I wanted, and I didn’t want to link to some sketchy streaming site, so you’ll have to settle for this. Same episode.

See Dr. Girlfriend’s Luscious Cartoon Titty-Ball

Dr. Girlfriend nip slip

Those of you lacking the capacity to understand a man’s propensity for arousal by a cartoon might want to change the channel. Coming to you straight from Reddit user Mrfredman, via those horny geeks at IO9, we proudly present- The Dr. Girlfriend nip slip that made it past the Adult Swim censors!

I suspect this is probably a ruse, a cunning attempt to trick me, but it is one that I can appreciate. Dr. Girlfriend, AKA Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, is the hottest piece of animated ass in all of super-villainy. Whether this single erotic frame aired on television or not is irrelevant- it exists in the here and now of the internet, which is tantamount to eternity.

Looks like the show’s creators (or the lonely Mrfredman) are not the only people on the web sexualizing this already sexually charged character. There is an abundance of fan created art to be found just the click of a few sticky keys away. It hasn’t reached THIS level yet (totally NSFPrudes), but it shouldn’t be long now.

Paper Dr. Girlfriend

Courtesy of paperfetish

Dr. Girlfriend spank

Courtesy of spankingfemme (I think she likes spanking!)

Dr. Girlfriend Topless

Courtesy of ehenders

Dr. Girlfriend sexy

Courtesy of dovianax

Robert Downey Jr. Wears Blackface

From Shitertainment Weekly:

In Tropic Thunder, an epic action comedy co-written and directed by Stiller, Robert Downey Jr. plays Kirk Lazarus, a very serious Oscar-winning actor cast in the most expensive Vietnam War film ever. Problem is, Lazarus’s character, Sgt. Osiris, was originally written as black. So Lazarus decides to dye his skin and play Osiris authentically.


Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Stiller?

I’m not really a big Ben Stiller fan. In fact, the only thing drawing me to this is Downey in blackface (and technically, that’s not even blackface. It’s just a white dude playing a black guy.) Unless Downey is painting himself up with shoe polish and running around yelling Mammy like Al Jolson, I’ll wait for the DVD.


Note to self. Bring back minstrel shows. The people are ready.

This just appears to be Stiller’s way of stirring up some mild controversy, Wayans style. If you ask me, I don’t find this the least bit offensive. You know what is offensive? Cartoons.

 

Fraternal Order of the BroSnake


My chest tattoo

What started out as a joke at the expense of meat heads everywhere ultimately evolved, not only from the joke’s conception, but simultaneously forwards and backwards across time, independent of the joke itself, effectively creating an entity all its own. An entity encompassing the English language, secret societies, and artistic challenges. I am, of course, referring to the BroSnake.

Initially a more testosterone infused variation of the term Broheim or Broseph, but not as annoyingly playful as Baked Brotato, BroSnake was already a mainstay at frat houses across the country by the new millennium. In fact, some would argue that it’s moment had come and gone by the time it was popularized as a mock salutation to illicit wrath. It was dead before it even began in that ramshackle Manhattan production office, but like Christ before it, its demise was a necessity for rebirth.


The birth of the BroSnake

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, BroSnake.

An intrepid few took it upon themselves to preserve this message, to chronicle the history of the Sacred Order and pass its legacy on for generations to come. They can be identified by the telltale amulet of silver hung from around the neck, and a mischievous snake-like gleam in the eye.


BroSnake: the early years

Signs and miracles began to appear where there had previously been none. Sometimes in the most obvious of places. Were they there all along? Or are they further proof that the BroSnake is not subject to the psychical laws of time and space? Skeptics remain, but it was the discovery of That Most Sacred Relic by a zealous young acolyte that truly cemented the significance of the BroSnake. A website, where there previously had been none, and where there is none again. BroSnake.com.

As quickly as it was there, it was gone. It is not known why or how. But That Most Sacred Relic resurfaces from time to time, to inspire the faithful. It’s most recent appearance, which is most definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK, CHILDREN, ANIMAL LOVERS, VEGETARIANS, LUMBERJACKS, PRUDES, SEPTUAGENARIANS, SOME OCTOGENARIANS, PREGNANT WOMEN, WOMEN IN GENERAL, FRUSTRATED ARTISTS, SOCIAL WORKERS, BEE KEEPERS, ASIAN DIPLOMATS, AND THOSE HIGH ON PCP, can be found HERE.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.