I’ve been reading Friday Fan Fiction over at Topless Robot for a while now and it is time to share the genius. Culled almost exclusively from Adultfanfiction.net, FFF is a running commentary on the fucked up erotic writings of sexually frustrated nerds. And I use the term “writing” loosely. It seems English is not the first language of many of the authors. That first language would be the language of love.
Tickle Spidey's balls for more...
You name it, they’ve got it. You want a three-way between Harry Potter and The Fellowship (of the ring)? Here you go. You want Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan pissing on each other? Right here. Kinky Pokemon sex? Explicit MASH slash? Saved By The Bell gang bangs? Princess Leia raping her kids? How about my personal favorite, Gilmore Girls incest fiction? Or maybe you’re feeling like Mexican today? There is a whole archive of stories based on The George Lopez Show. *Shudder.
No! Not in the... OOOOOOOOH!!!
The latest entry features a rape scenario between Spiderman and Doctor Octopussy, and if you can stomach it, it is laugh-out-loud funny. The Topless Robot commentary on this one had me rolling. The author of said piece keeps describing how sexy Doc Ock is, when he basically looks like Moe from the Three Stooges with mechanical arms in spandex. Whatever turns you on, man. Here are a few choice excerpts to whet your appetite. The story starts with this hilarious disclaimer:
Warning: This story is based on the Spiderman comic, not the movies or cartoons. If there are any inconsistencies with the movie, other than the fact Spiderman is raping Doc Ock of course, do as Lucy Lawless suggests in the Simpsons and figure “a wizard did it”. Thank you.
And then it is straight to the raping-
“Your nothing, but a cock teasing slut, killing the ass of that rich shit because of his science, you fucking whore!” Spiderman accused Doctor Octopus.
It makes sense in context. Trust me.
Ock started to cry, his stubs growing tired, but the cum washed his tears away, into the floor, along with his hopes.
Aw, just like Johnson’s baby shampoo.
But wait, there’s more-
Spiderman grabbed his wrists and forced them behind his back, with one hand. With his other hand he played with Doc Ock’s cock, the doc’s firm grape fruit sized head bouncing in tune to his abuse.
Remember, kids, you can’t spell grapefruit without rapefruit.
Ock screamed as the beast that was Spiderman’s cock plunged into him like a harpoon, its bristles scratching the sensitive insides of his tender, tight, young shit cunt.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m turned on! Also, shit cunt is my new favorite term.
When he was about to cum he pulled out, wrapping his brown shiny hair around his cock. He beat himself off until he gave Ock his creamy shampoo, sperm spraying every where in his brown locks.
And now that you are all thoroughly disgusted- The Epilogue:
Spiderman went onto rape many more men, most of them super villains, while poor Ock was forced into porn by his guards.
Hahaha. Most of them were super villains. The rest were probably unsuspecting people on the street. All in a days work, for your friendly neighborhood Spider-rapist.