Category Archives: Drugs

Jenna Haze Quits Porn To Be With Greg Puciato, Greg Puciato Quits Being Cool To Chair Wrangle For Taylor Momsen

Posted on April 2, 2012 | 4 Comments

Note: This blog post should be used for entertainment purposes only and is not to be taken seriously because A) I am a huge fan of The Dillinger Escape Plan, and B) Greg Puciato is a badass and could probably beat me up through the internet.

Puciato-Momsen

So… back in January we learned that Dillinger Escape Plan vocalist Greg Puciato was totally dating porn star Jenna Haze. This just weeks after he went shitzoid on mushrooms, an incident which required the dispatch of 6 police officers, several EMTs and an entire fire truck (your tax dollars hard at work there, people).

Now I know rock stars will be rock stars, but neither of these things sat well with me. Particularly because I don’t view Puciato as a quote unquote “rock star.” (Is it redundant to put “rock star” in quotes after prefacing it with quote unquote?)  No, I don’t have anything against porn stars- they have kept me company many a lonely night- but this seemed like a slide towards the douchey behavior normally reserved for people like Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee.

Don’t get me wrong, I can see the allure of fucking a porn star, but taking one home to Mama Kin? Everyone wants a freak in the sheets, but I’ll take a nun on the streets, thank you very much. This just goes to show that men can be as emotionally motivated as women, and what starts out as the fulfillment of a fuck fantasy can quickly morph into a co-dependency nightmare.

Because after you’ve had your fill of acrobatic mushroom sex, what reason is there to stay in this type of relationship? I mean, Greg comes off as a pretty intelligent dude, so what can he possibly find intellectually stimulating about THIS?

But what the fuck do I know? Love makes you do crazy shit. Like play chair wrangler for Taylor Momsen, she of the previously underage chest meat. This, more than the porn star dating and recreational drug use, has me concerned. I don’t want to be that guy, going on about “keeping it real,” but how do you go from THIS, to this:

I guess we’ll have to chalk it up to artistic growth. It just goes to show, the less you know about your heroes’ personal lives, the better. As long as Ben Weinman doesn’t kick him out of the band for doing drugs and Dillinger continue to make ball-blistering music, I’ll be happy.

As for Greg and Jenna’s relationship, I truly hope they’re happy. Turns out, Haze recently retired from performing; maybe she did it for him? She’s taken similar dick sabbaticals in the past. From Wikipedia:

During most of her time at [Jill Kelly Productions], she performed exclusively with women, out of loyalty to her then boyfriend, an industry cameraman.

I can’t hate on that. And the pair make a cute couple, even though Greg is looking a little too Jersey in some of these pics.

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Posted in Drugs, Music

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Why Celebrating 4/20 Is Anti-Semitic

Posted on April 20, 2011 | 2 Comments

Hitler 4/20

Isn’t it obvious, you stupid hippie? Do I have to spell it out for you? You may think you’re co-opting The Fuhrer’s birthday in an effort to “take it back,” but you’re actually playing right into his Aryan hands. In case you were too baked to realize, smoking weed is one giant metaphor for the evil perpetrated during the Holocaust. Not convinced? Many aspects of weed culture have a Nazi equivalent. Take “hotboxing” for example. The Nazis invented hotboxing, only back then they called it “the gas chamber.” So every time you hotbox, you are participating in a reenactment of the tragic killing of innocent Jews. Not so “far out” now, is it, man?

So go ahead, keep smoking your weed. It’s not hurting anyone. Hitler wants you to dull your senses and forget the past, forget the truth. He is biding his time until you’re all sufficiently wasted, at which point he will rise from the grave and take over the world!!! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

4/20 Hitler

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Posted in Drugs, History, Jews

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The Jabber Reviews Creeps

Posted on February 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

"The Orange Eats Creeps" by Grace Krilanovich

Huff some paint and ride the rails over to ChuckPalahniuk.net, where you can check out my review of Grace Krilanovich’s Burroughsian nightmare, The Orange Eats Creeps. You’ll be happy to know that, although greatly influenced by the man, Krilanovich doesn’t seem to share Burroughs’ fetish for sodomizing young boys hanging by their neck. Enjoy!

The Orange Eats Creeps is a surreal coming of age horror story, a drug-fueled rape fantasy threatening to overtake reality. Almost every sentence is a half-remembered dream of suppressed emotion, which makes summarizing the narrative a difficult endeavor. The synopsis on the jacket puts it best- a girl with drug induced ESP… searches for her disappeared foster sister along “The Highway That Eats People.” Throw in some comparisons to Twin Peaks and a serial killer named Dactyl and you’ve got yourself an interested me

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Posted in Books, Chuck Palahniuk, Drugs, Opinions Are Like Assholes, Reviews

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DJ AM’s Death Ruled A Homicide

Posted on August 29, 2009 | Leave a comment

Not to be outdone by Michael Jackson, DJ AM’s death has been ruled a homicide. The culprit? Look closely, the killer is right in front of your eyes:

That’s right, it’s YOU- the womens of the world. (I had to put a wig and tits on the mirror, because the joke doesn’t really work if you’re a dude.) You take and you take and when you are through you discard us like a used tissue. AM’s ex, Hayley Wood, callously dumped his ass, prompting a downward spiral of hookers and blow, but now she’s all “DJ was the greatest person that ever lived, I will miss him dearly.” I guess the greatest person in the world wasn’t good enough for you, bitch, because YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM!

Same goes for Mandy Moore. Expect a tearful eulogy from Nicole Richie any minute as well.

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Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Current Events, Drugs, Topical

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Barack Obama Wants To Know, “Where The White Women At?”

Posted on February 6, 2008 | 3 Comments
Oh boys, lookee what I got heyuh.

In our first installment of what will surely be intermittent coverage at best, we now bring you the latest on the 2008 presidential race.

Super Tuesday has come and gone, and according to the polls, Barack Obama and the fair Hillary Rodham are still neck and neck. The white women are voting for Hilary, although the numbers are not as high as they were previously. The black vote helped Obama win a number of southern states, although I’m surprised he or Hillary had any luck in a region where the majority of people would be damned before they voted for a “nigger” or a “split-tail”.

On the Republican side of things, John McCain has emerged as the front runner in a race that until now has shown little consistency. Hanoi Rocks!

Many are touting this presidential election to be the most significant in years, a race whose outcome will determine our country’s path for the foreseeable future. The prospect of history’s first black or female president is an exciting one, but what impact will that really have? Is substantial political change still even possible? While Obama’s sincerity and youthful exuberance were refreshing at first, his recent in-fighting with Hillary signifies politics as usual.

Admittedly, part of the initial allure of Obama is the fact that he’s black. I had to question whether that was the reason I found myself drawn to him. But then I realized, I wouldn’t vote for him just because of the color of his skin. Condoleezza Rice is black and I certainly wouldn’t vote for her ass.

Tina Turner once said, We don’t need another hero, but that is just what the American people crave. Look at our choices. We’ve go a genuine war hero in McCain, and the prospect of our nation’s first black or female president. (This, however, doesn’t explain the absence of 911 hero Rudy Giuliani, who pussy-footed himself out of the race.)

The hero presidents of yore are like that first shot of heroin. You’re chasing the high, people! The current candidates will never be as sweet as that first taste! Besides, that was before the advent of the internets. If our beloved forefathers were around today, the whole world would know that George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, Thomas Jefferson fucked slaves, and Abraham Lincoln was gay.

Personally, I can’t wait to see the outcome of this election. Then we can get back to politics as usual. The politics of dancing!

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Posted in Barack Obama, Drugs, Hanoi Hilton, Hanoi Rocks, Heroin, Hilary Clinton, John McCain, Politics, Presidential Election, Race Relations, Rudy Giuliani, Super Tuesday, Tina Turner

Director Terry Gilliam Kills Heath Ledger?

Posted on January 22, 2008 | 7 Comments
Corky Thatcher, all growed up

Actor Heath Ledger was found dead today in a Manhattan apartment from an apparent drug related suicide. According to police, Ledger was found naked and unconscious next to a pile of prescription medication by his masseuse. Initial reports erroneously claimed the apartment to be owned by Mary-Kate Olsen, until it was discovered that the pills in question were not for dieting. Ledger was 28 years old.

The actor was in the process of filming Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Gilliam’s productions are notoriously problematic, leading some to go as far as to say the director is cursed. Disagreements with studio heads, financial problems, injury and even acts of god have all plagued Gilliam films in the past. Now death can be added to that list.

This is ironic considering the pictures of Ledger on the set of Parnassus that circulated the web a few weeks back. Misleading headlines such as Heath Ledger Hangs Himself prompted mild outrage within the blogosphere. If you ask me, so called journalists should be more responsible.

UPDATE:
A rep for the Ledger family is saying that the death was accidental, and if you ask me, I’d be inclined to agree. You don’t get all naked and call for a masseuse if you are planning on killing yourself. More info HERE.

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Posted in Drugs, Film, Heath Ledger, Mary-Kate Olsen, Suicide, Terry Gilliam, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Crazy Racist Anti-Lipitor Guy In Action

Posted on July 2, 2007 | 1 Comment

About a month ago, I wrote of my encounters with one, The Crazy Racist Anti-Lipitor Guy. (See previous post HERE.) I had always intended to follow up with some documentation of said racism by way of pharmaceutical hatred, and even went as far as shooting some video footage a few days later, which I promptly forgot about.

How did I forget so quickly, you ask? Well, not more than a few days after I took the video, Crazy Lipitor guy disappeared. Out of sight, out of mind, I suppose. It took going through my camera almost a month later to realize I had pure digital gold.

You can’t really read the sign when watching the video, because youtube compressed the shit out of it, so I have included a couple of equally as shitty screen caps. The first one isn’t much help, but you can kind of clearly see the phrase Hindus Rape Children next to what appears to be a little red heart in the second picture. Apparently the guy has the graphic sensibilities of a 13 year old girl. A 13 year old girl who thinks all Indians are Hindu, and that all Hindus rape children.

No, I don’t want any of your fucking magazines!

 

Won’t somebody please think of the children!

As I said, shortly after this video was filmed, the guy up and disappeared. Maybe the pharmaceutical companies finally got to him. Or maybe it was the Indian Mafia. I’d like to think that in some small way, I played a part in having that guy rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge.

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Posted in Drugs, Health, Rape, Travel