No filmmaker’s feelings were harmed during the writing of these reviews…
CROPSEY
A nebbish filmmaker and his yenta pal delve into the garbage heap that is Staten Island in search of the mysterious child killer, Cropsey. Very effective real-life horror doc.
METROPIA
Vincent Gallo voices a timid cubicle worker who doesn’t drive shifter-cars in this Orwellian nightmare that is an animated mix of Pixar and Bratz. Just don’t look at his dick in the urinal.
STINGRAY SAM
Was initially unsure, but as soon as the song Fredward hit, I was sold. If this slice of originality doesn’t tickle the funny bone in your heart’s taint, you have no soul.
[REC] 2
Had the same problem as its predecessor- 90 minutes of screaming and camera flailing punctuated by moments of genuine terror. Basically the same film as the first, but the expanded mythology effectively changes the genre from zombie to possession.
BREATHLESS
A borderline psychotic debt collector strikes up a friendship with a sullen high school girl. Well acted, heavy handed Korean drama in which every character is in a physically abusive relationship. Not nearly as sexy as it sounds.
SALVAGE
A quasi zombie flick with post 9-11 overtones that suffers from leaps in logic and continuity issues. A stronger third act could have salvaged this film.
SWEET KARMA
Stripper revenge flick in which the director “played to the strengths” of the lead actress by re-imaging her character as a mute. There were a couple other actors whose characters should have been mute as well.
DURESS
A decent film I was ridiculed for not hating with an unbelievable plot twist that has to be explained via flashback to things we never saw. Yeah, one of those.
PRIVATE EYE
A Korean film noir that is part Indiana Jones, part Sherlock Holmes, and all crowd-pleaser. Really well made and fun as hell.
AVATAR: PREVIEW FOOTAGE
I don’t know why producer Jon Landau had to give such a hard sell to a theater full of nerds, but he did. Impressive visuals combined with a script up to Cameron’s usual standards. Depending on who you are, that could be just good enough or flat-out terrible.
HUMAN CENTIPEDE
Gets my coveted award for Best of the Fest. A generic horror plot gets elevated by an already iconic performance by Dieter Laser and the preposterous premise of sewing people together, ass to mouth. Brilliant.
HAUSU
Seven Japanese school girls get trapped in a haunted house that needs their blood to survive in this unearthed gem from the 70′s. Sounds run of the mill, but the whole thing is directed like an episode of The Monkees. Rumored to be receiving a Criterion release.
DIRTY MIND
Refreshing Belgian comedy that comes across as wholly original despite following what is basically a standard rom com plot. Hollywood, please take note.
REVENANT
An irritatingly mediocre buddy comedy featuring a David Spade lookalike and his vampire friend. No need to sink your teeth into this turd unless you like blood in your stool.
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