Category Archives: Rape

Cum For Bigfoot

Posted on February 2, 2012 | 6 Comments

Cum For Bigfoot

I lay snuggled next to Bigfoot, whose name was Leonard.

That is the actual opening line from Cum For Bigfoot 2, an erotic eBook by Virginia Wade. According to the Amazon description, it is a story that contains: oral sex, anal sex, double penetration, rimming, spanking, penetration with a large object, threesomes, and an orgy. The fact that they all involve a Bigfoot or BigFeet is implied. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

About a month ago, I wrote a post about a post I wrote for LitReactor on The Wild West World of eBook Only Erotica. A year or so prior to that, I had written a post entitled Bigfoot: Super Rapist. Little did I know at the time that the two went hand in hairy hand.

Virginia-Wade-Medley

The versatility of Virginia Wade, author.

The fact that a sequel exists means that the first installment of Cum For Bigfoot must have been popular enough to warrant one. Hell, it must have been reeeeeally popular, because Virginia has also written a threequel, published February the 1st. Check out this amusing synopsis:

The Bigfoot saga continues with Porsche, Shelly, and Leslie’s abduction by a horny tribe of apes. In the third installment of the Monster Sex Series, Porsche and Shelly find themselves no closer to rescue, although relationships are forming between the apes and their captive fuck-bunnies. And, what’s not to love about an eight foot walking carpet with a huge penis? Could it be that Porsche is falling in love with her ape, Leonard? Will rescue finally cum for the girls or are they destined to have wild, hot, monster sex in the forest for all eternity?

So, I guess Bigfoot rape fantasies are a thing? Ladies, is this true? Couldn’t you just marry a Greek guy? In any event, it just proves the age-old adage: It isn’t rape if she enjoys it. Even if it’s by a hairy Neanderthal. Right, Greg Kelly?

Greg-Kelly-Bigfoot

Wild, hot, monster sex.

And if Big Foot rape isn’t your thing, don’t worry, Virginia’s got you covered. You can also be raped by Frankenstein or The Invisible Man. It’s all about options.

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Posted in Bestiality, Books, Rape, Sexuality

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Nightmare Chicken Face Rape Leads To Alien Style Impregnation And Breakfast

Posted on September 15, 2011 | 2 Comments

A Parallactic Pictures Production

of a film by
Kevin Kolsch

starring
James Lord

and introducing
Jacey Cockrobin
as
“The Chicken”

DOWN THE HATCH

A nightmarish tale of fatherhood and breakfast

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Posted in Bestiality, Film, Rape, Sexuality

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You Can’t Spell “Entity” Without “Tity”

Posted on March 30, 2011 | Leave a comment
Entity Grope

Click to make Casper go away

Otherwise, what’s he gonna hold onto while he’s banging you?

And I’m assuming it’s a “he” here, as Barbara Hershey is the object of said assailant’s invisible affection. Although I suppose the titular (!) entity could be a lady-ghost with a strap-on, if you want to rail against the use of so-called sexist pronouns. But being rape is involved, I’m sure the feminist contingent will be all, no thanks, a man probably did it. No need for gender-inclusive language here.

The Entity Poster

Have no idea what I’m talking about? Long before Hershey was molesting her daughter in Black Swan (HERE), she was being molested by a paranormal sex offender in 1982′s The Entity. The film is probably best known for its special effects (by none other than Stan Winston) which include Hershey’s kisses being magically “groped” by invisible hands. It was truly groundbreaking work at the time and is breathtaking to behold.

The bulk of The Entity holds up surprisingly well, insinuating the “attacks” might be some sort of psychological byproduct of Hershey’s incestuous relationship with her hot Puerto Rican son. But then the third act goes completely off the rails when a group of parapsychologists build a full-scale model of her house as a trap and attempt to freeze the entity in liquid helium.

What’s even crazier, is that the film is based on a novel that is purportedly based on a real life incident. Maybe it’s in the book, but I can’t possibly imagine the whole freezing-the-entity-like-Han-Solo escapade happened in real life. It’s too far-fetched. Demon rape is one thing. The rest sounds too much like Ghostbusters.

RELATED:

Worm rape scene from Galaxy of Terror is like the rape scene from Straw Dogs on an intergalactic level

Natalie Portman packs her own box lunch

Revenge of the Chinese paranormal ghost sex

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Posted in Film, Rape, Sexuality

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Worm Rape Scene From Galaxy of Terror is Like The Rape Scene From Straw Dogs on an Intergalactic Level

Posted on March 18, 2011 | 12 Comments

Skip to the 1:30 mark is you are so horny you can’t make it through the foreplay (cue Boston song.)

This was posted on IO9 a while back, but they weren’t able to put it into the greater context of filmic depictions of rape. Although not immediately apparent, this scene has a lot in common with the controversial rape scene in Sam Peckinpah’s  Straw Dogs. As in Peckinpah’s violent opus, the rape scene in Galaxy of Terror can be viewed as ambiguous. At first, the character of Dameia resists the advances of the mutant space worm, the way a woman would resist the “charms” of (IE: attempted rape by) Sean Connery in an early Bond film. But as she is covered in lubricating sex acid and her clothing disintegrates, a funny thing happens- she begins to enjoy it. She catches the rhythm and grinds along with the thrusts of the worm, accepting her erotic fate. In space, no one can hear you scream as you are worm-sexed to death.

galaxy of terror poster

As with Straw Dogs, the rape scene in Galaxy of Terror had to be trimmed to appease the MPAA. A grind here, a thrust there- anything to lessen the complicit nature of the act. Ironically, with Dogs, that only served to support the impression that the victim enjoyed the assault. With Terror, all it did was deprive the audience of a few extra seconds of worm rape. Sweet, sweet worm rape.

This is all documented with appropriate humor on the recent DVD release of the landmark B film. Unfortunately for you space-pervs out there, the offending material is long gone, so there won’t be any unrated director’s cut any time ever.

And if you think you can write a piece about Galaxy of Terror without using the term “worm rape” as many times as I did, you’re more than welcome to try.

Previously: Galaxy of Terror encapsulated review.

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Posted in Film, Rape, Sexuality, Uncategorized

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Snow Blows

Posted on December 29, 2010 | 2 Comments

Snowman Blowjob

Sure, it looks pretty, but then it makes life ten times more difficult. No, I’m not talking about women, I’m talking about the bitch that is snow. Even though they are both bitter and cold, only one has wrecked my car. Oh, wait…

Farewell to Arms

The story of me, after shoveling

Fuck snow blowers, I’m gonna get myself a flame thrower.

Don’t live in a major metropolitan area currently being dumped on by fluffy albino shit? Skip to about the 2:15 mark to be vicariously raped by winter.

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Posted in Film, Rape, Sexuality, Weather

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Bill Zebub Joins The Criterion Collection

Posted on November 9, 2010 | 4 Comments

Criterion Forgive Me For Raping You

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Posted in Film, Rape

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Bigfoot: Super Rapist

Posted on July 23, 2010 | 6 Comments

If it smells like Bigfoot’s dick, it probably is Bigfoot’s dick. So if you are camping and you detect a musky melange of decaying wood and animal sweat, watch out- you about to get raped.

Obviously, there must be a whole race of Bigfoots out there, because like humans, some prefer men and some prefer women. Some prefer cutie-patooties (above) while others prefer mentally disturbed homeless ladies (below.) Whichever category you fall into, I have it from a very reliable source that once you go Bigfoot, you never go Bligfoot. That’s the truth, sister. You can quote me on it.

And remember, if you are raped by Bigfoot- it’s not your fault. But it’s also not an excuse to go around molesting young boys. The existence of Bigfoot has yet to be fully acknowledged by mainstream society, therefore the fact that he raped you as a child is not the best defense when you are caught inappropriately touching the neighbors kids. Trust me.

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Posted in Rape, Sexuality

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Rape Has Never Looked So Sexy

Posted on July 10, 2010 | 2 Comments

Courtesy of Bloody Disgusting:

I spit on your grave remake

I mean, I love horror movies, and I love me some sexay ladies, but I don’t know if I can get behind this (hey-o!) But seriously folks, I Spit On Your Grave is a an intense film with brutal scenes of prolonged rape. I doubt this remake will have the bite of the original, but still, is this the way to sell a rape-revenge flick? Revenge can be sexy. Rape, not so much (and I don’t want to get into a whole conversation about rape role-play and whether it is healthy or not.) Those are some tasty looking ass lips, but then I get to thinking about what this film is about and… I don’t know. Is this empowering or exploitative? I already know what side of the argument angry feminists and pervy old men will fall on, respectively.

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Posted in Film, Horror, Rape

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Giants Fans Go On Celebratory Rape-Fest

Posted on February 4, 2008 | 2 Comments

Not really, but that’s what it sounded like. At approximately 10pm last night a cacophony of womanly screams interrupted an otherwise quiet suburban evening, along with what sounded like gunplay. It appeared to be coming from the neighbor’s house, where numerous Mexican families live, so I decided to check it out. It was about that time I realized it was Superbowl Sunday, and the Giants had won. (I don’t really watch sports, but if I had know Tom Petty’s skeleton was playing the halftime show, I might have tuned in.) The old patriarch and his sons were probably just celebrating in the traditional Mexican way, beating their women and firing their pistols into the air like banditos.

Oh yeah, the “gunplay” turned out to be fireworks. We must have some 12th century Chinamen in the neighborhood as well. (I know, I know, Chinaman in not the preferred nomenclature.)


Fuck you, Gringos!


An actual picture of my neighbor from last night

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank :: post to facebook

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Posted in Banditos, Fireworks, Football, Giants, Mexican Heritage, Rape, Sports, Superbowl XLII

Crazy Racist Anti-Lipitor Guy In Action

Posted on July 2, 2007 | 1 Comment

About a month ago, I wrote of my encounters with one, The Crazy Racist Anti-Lipitor Guy. (See previous post HERE.) I had always intended to follow up with some documentation of said racism by way of pharmaceutical hatred, and even went as far as shooting some video footage a few days later, which I promptly forgot about.

How did I forget so quickly, you ask? Well, not more than a few days after I took the video, Crazy Lipitor guy disappeared. Out of sight, out of mind, I suppose. It took going through my camera almost a month later to realize I had pure digital gold.

You can’t really read the sign when watching the video, because youtube compressed the shit out of it, so I have included a couple of equally as shitty screen caps. The first one isn’t much help, but you can kind of clearly see the phrase Hindus Rape Children next to what appears to be a little red heart in the second picture. Apparently the guy has the graphic sensibilities of a 13 year old girl. A 13 year old girl who thinks all Indians are Hindu, and that all Hindus rape children.

No, I don’t want any of your fucking magazines!

 

Won’t somebody please think of the children!

As I said, shortly after this video was filmed, the guy up and disappeared. Maybe the pharmaceutical companies finally got to him. Or maybe it was the Indian Mafia. I’d like to think that in some small way, I played a part in having that guy rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge.

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Posted in Drugs, Health, Rape, Travel