Category Archives: Sociology

Clit Measuring Contest

Posted on August 5, 2011 | 1 Comment
Whore fight

Two whores compete for a prospective mate

What is the female equivalent of a dick measuring contest? You know, that special brand of alpha male chest thumping that prompts a snide, “Why don’t you just whip it out and measure it?” from the ladies. (To be fair, we know there is a part of you that likes it when men get aggro. It is ingrained in your biology.)

Should the term be breast related? Big titty bitches do tend to look down on women with smaller chests. But the jokes on them, because no matter how good they look reigned in with a titanium-laced push up bra, them shits become an unruly mess when unleashed. I know how to shop for fruit. Give me some nice, firm pears- you can keep your over-ripe melons.

sloppy floppy boobs

Sure, they look good now, but what happens when you get her top off?

How about “clit measuring contest?” The clit is the female analog of the penis, after all. If a woman wants to deride another woman’s femininity, she could be all, “Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, pencil clit!” That would be hysterical! Although, in this case, the likening of a sexual organ to a writing utensil might be a compliment as opposed to an insult. Ditto for the term “tuna can clit.”

Of course, that’s assuming size matters in this contest. Claiming you have the world’s largest clit might be counterproductive to asserting one’s femininity. I don’t think women are going to boast about having what is essentially a tiny penis. It didn’t help Chyna’s career (Not Safe For- BLAAAAAAARG! There goes my lunch. What is she, a hyena? It’s like staring Droopy Dog in the face.)

Hyena clit

That ain't no penis. Chyna got nothin' on me!

I suppose if women don’t want it, the term could be useful in the prevention of cat fights.  Any time two angry females are about to throw down, you could interject, “What is this, a clit measuring contest?” At this point, one of two things will happen. A- it will diffuse the situation, leaving everyone involved feeling pretty awkward, or B- it will result in some hardcore competitive nub rubbin’! It’s hard to say which.

Droopy-Dog-Vagina

You know what? This post makes me mad.

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Posted in Sexuality, Sociology, Vagina, Women's Studies

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Halle Berry To Star In Remake of “My Baby Is Black!”

Posted on February 8, 2011 | 2 Comments
My Baby Is Black

Best Tagline Ever

via TMZ:

Halle Berry says it point blank … her daughter is Black — a direct message to her ex Gabriel Aubry who, according to sources, “went nuts” anytime someone called Nahla Black.

This kid’s not gonna need therapy.

They say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice, but isn’t Halle Berry half white? Not only that, the child’s father is white, so technically that kid is only 1/4 black. That’s why Catwoman is breaking out the ole one drop race rule, which, if I’m not mistaken, was actually used as a form of social oppression back in the day. I guess she’s taking it back.

If that doesn’t work, there’s always the old Jewish way of thinking- that if your mother’s vagina was Jewish, you are automatically a Jew. That way the kid can spend its entire life trying to escape the gaping maw of its mother’s womb.

But why limit this poor child, forcing it to be either white or black? Everyone knows that half-breeds get all the attention. Look at Vin Diesel. There’s a completely untalented person with the best of both worlds. Who cares what the fuck he is? He’s making an ass-bucket of money. I’d worry less about this kid’s race and more about the fact that its father is named after a member of The Pussycat Dolls.

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Posted in African American, Celebrity Shit Heads, Film, Pregnancy, Race Relations, Sociology

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Martin Luther King Jr. Wants To Know, “Where The White Women At?”

Posted on January 18, 2011 | 1 Comment

Where the white women at, MLK?

Martin Luther King Jr. was a whore-beating, speech plagiarizing sonofabitch with a secret identity and ties to the communist party- at least according to an anonymous email circulated back in 2003. Surprised? Don’t be. You know your racist white granny sent you that shit dozens of times before she moved on to the one about Barack Obama being the Antichrist.

According to the mythbusters over at Snopes, the info in that email runs the gamut from malicious half-truth to full-on fabrication. Personally, I’m a little disappointed MLK didn’t use church money to have drunken sex parties with white hookers. It would have made him so much more relatable. At least we know he liked to get his extra-marital bang on, as corroborated by the private audio tapes of J. Edgar Hoover. Listening to alleged communists have sex is what got that kinky audio voyeur OFF!

This may seem like a strange way to celebrate such a great man, but let’s remember, that’s exactly what he was- a man. And like most men, he probably craved strange like Ted Nugent on speed. I can see him now, frothing at the mouth, screaming “Wango Tango!” and shaking his dick at anything in a skirt. Ted Nugent, that is, not MLK. I suspect The King had more of a Barry White vibe. The point is, you’ve got to humanize your heroes, people, not deify them. They’re just like you and me. Unlike celebrities, who are better than us all.

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Posted in African American, History, Race Relations, Sexuality, Sociology

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Don’t Let That Stanky Pussy Ruin Your Marriage- Douche With Lysol

Posted on October 27, 2010 | 8 Comments

Lysol Douche Ad

That’s right, ladies, it’s your own fault if your husband refuses to take the downtown train like Rod Stewart. Confused as to why? Most likely because you’re not shooting harsh antiseptic chemicals up your vadge to kill the cooties that incubate there.

Allow me to simplify for the uneducated housewife. “Cooties” is a scientific term for lady-germs. It comes from the same Latin origin as the word “cooter,” which literally means “flesh sauna.” If a man is frequenting a public sauna, he will naturally want to wear protective footwear. But just because you are lucky enough to have a private sauna installed in your own home does not mean scheduled maintenance should be neglected. Said maintenance falls under the jurisdiction of the lady of the house. If a feminine sauna is not properly seen to, it’s off to the local YMCA, where it’s fun for a frigid husband to stay!

Lysol Douche Ad 2

If Lysol is not your twat sanitizer of choice, you might prefer their competitor- Zonite! When you absolutely need to eliminate that natural feminine odor and wreak havoc on the PH of your body, Zonite is the douche for you! Zonite is also good for paint stripping and de-greasing kitchen appliances. Now available in both lemon and “new car” scents. Try some today!

Retro Douche Ad

Retro Douche Ad 2

Womanly odor is offensive to dick. Subtle.

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Posted in Health, Science, Sexuality, Sociology, Vagina, Women's Issues, Women's Studies

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Time Again To Celebrate Mass Murder and Rape

Posted on October 8, 2010 | 2 Comments

With all due respect, your website was down at the time of this writing, which doesn’t really help your cause. That being said, good luck getting lazy Americans to give up a national holiday, no matter what it celebrates. Half of this country is unaware of the controversy surrounding Columbus Day, and the other half will get all uppity like a bunch of goombas on a bad episode of The Sopranos if you take it away. Plus, they ‘ll want to know why so many Puerto Rican guys are in a video asking for a Native American holiday.

Do we really want to start axing holidays and  rewriting history? When you think about it, all national holidays have a modicum of controversy. Not many people know that New Year was an actual person, and that he was a suspected Nazi sympathizer. White people are against Martin Luther King Day because it is a celebration of virile black men taking our women. Cherry Trees everywhere are against President’s Day, because it celebrates the slaughter of their people so they can be made into false teeth. Independence Day celebrates the blowing up of the White House by aliens. Labor Day is actually in recognition of The Labour Party, and has nothing to do with the United States at all. Veterans Day is a holiday for baby-killers. Thanksgiving is like Columbus Day part II. And Christmas, Christmas is the worst of them all. Christmas celebrates the birth of Big Baby Jesus, who was killed and rose from the dead, making him a zombie. And everyone knows that zombies like to eat brains, which makes that time of year especially hard on brains.

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Posted in History, Racism, Sociology, Television

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The Future Rapist Club Presents- The Ottoman Humpers

Posted on September 30, 2010 | 2 Comments

What the fuck is this? Four young bucks showing the ladies how they do the do? The most homoerotic display of machismo ever filmed? A group of burgeoning furniture fetishists? Or a pack of future rapists being home schooled?

Either way, it seems like they wanted this out there. How are they not embarrassed? Do girls actually watch this video and think, I want to be that ottoman? I want “pipelayer” inside me? And would those moves even work on a woman who is not a piece of furniture? I know brothers are supposed to be hung, but are their dicks shaped like crazy straws too? Unfortunately, this misguided attempt at broadcasting sexual technique only serves to perpetuate the stereotype that black dudes will fuck anything.

Nothing screams “virgin” more than all male furniture fucking. In the interest of helping these desperate dudes get laid, please send this animated gif(t) to all your available lady friends. It is a guaranteed panty-dropper.

Ottoman Humpers

Totally NOT gay

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Posted in Sexuality, Sociology

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The Evil Vagina Bubble From Hell

Posted on September 21, 2010 | 1 Comment

Thank you IO9, the most highbrow of science blogs.

What is a female lady ninja to do when confronted by a more qualified, higher paid male ninja? Even the playing field, by releasing the evil vagina bubble from hell! It’s like releasing the Kraken, only sexier. The unsuspecting dude ninja will be too busy thinking the subservient Asian woman is whipping up a frothy batch of salmon teriyaki and then BLAMMO! He’s trapped inside a pussy fart.

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Posted in Asian Interests, Film, Science, Sociology, Vagina

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Even More Search Terms of Hilarious Note

Posted on September 16, 2010 | 4 Comments

Hilarious Search Terms

These are too good not to post:

the pterodactyl shake weight- Why would you mix these two elements?

fuck you child- Yeah, fuck you, kid! Love, the internet.

how to accept you are gay- The internet is a good place to start. I’d recommend http://www.bahamanalrama.com

amazing penis drawings- Not just any penis drawing will suffice.

does her pony- King of like “Dig A Pony”, but not.

prepare your anus- Prepare your anus for what? A visit from the President? Total world domination? The second coming of Christ?

http://www.nude girl learning about masterbaton- I hear you can get your online degree in masterbaton these days.

i love shitheads- I’m glad somebody does. Shitheads need love too.

does having anal sex make you gay- If you have to ask, then yes, it does.

how to imagine sucking your own sister- You need help with that? Maybe it’s hard to imagine because it is completely wrong. And if imagining sucking your own sister is wrong… (*holds microphone out to crowd, who scream) I DON’T WANNA BE RIGHT!

masturbating sailors- Must… resist… seamen joke…

before and after tits- I don’t want to think about life before tits.

dick a great time, sweet, sex- Dick a great time, indeed. Agree totally me.

underage pussy (in south africa)- Because that’s where it’s legal.

suck own penis wikipedia- How dare you say that to poor wikipedia! What did Wikipedia ever do to you but provide you with poorly organized, innaccurate data?

images of gay men sacking dick- I assume this has to do with the Gay Football League.

penus penus penus pictures-  Just picture a creepy fat guy who can’t spell hunched over his computer repeating this to himself over and over.

sexsi gayes asses- Somebody types with a lisp.

Previously, on Search Terms of Hilarious Note…

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Posted in Sexuality, Sociology

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Other Search Terms of Hilarious Note

Posted on September 9, 2010 | 6 Comments
Hilarious Search Terms

Click to appreciate my photoshop skillz in all their glory

My readership is comprised of illiterates, racists, and sex perverts. Thankfully, they are funny as fuck.  Here are the (actual) search terms to prove it:

baby naked playing with his pines- Good Lord, that’s just awful! Who lets a naked child play with trees?  It’s not safe.

gay unicorn jizz- Is there any other kind?

nice vagina with a cock in it having sex- Sounds like a waiter describing  porn specials in a fancy restaurant.

what has a n*gger ever invented- Really? You think you’re going to get a serious answer to this, as written? Just awful.

so hard to not look at his dick- This is a statement, not a question. Guess someone just had to get it off their chest.

saxy sax gay- Does this have anything to do with music?  Or sex?

mike the situation’s pubes- This one is just gross.

gay buff buff buff men- When gay buff buff men just won’t cut it.

clone your cock- Using your own cock as a sex toy does not make you gay.

jerk your own self cock- Neither does jerking your own self cock.

my daughter has a dick- Another confession? Or is this a coin dropped in a perverted wishing well?

gay Mexicans sucking black men dicks- Someone has very specific tastes in gay minorities. Probably a Republican.

four monkeys fucking a football- Not two, not three- four. That is a veritable monkey-football gang bang. Days of Thunder x 4.

two people having sex showing the pinis- Please, god, let them show the pinis. I’ve never seen one.

mypenis gay- Unless your penis moonlights in gay porn while you sleep, what are you expecting?

sleep naked with your gay male friends w- I’m dying to know the rest of this sentence.

you jizz sex- I know I do.

chicks with dicks in your case- In whose case? Who is this person referring to?

gay cupple dick to dick- Docking aside, they totally make a cute cupple.

how to rape- Scary.

sexy omo men having sex- Sexy omo men are the sexiest!

jakob dylan lyrics smells like sex- They totally do. Suicidal mono-breasted stripper sex.

not a fuck was given- This sounds like the end of a bad ass fairy tale cool parents would read their kids in bed. “…and not a fuck was given in all the land.” The end.

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Posted in Sexuality, Sociology

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Awesome White Power Tattoos Revisited

Posted on September 2, 2010 | 15 Comments

A post entitled Awesome White Power Tattoos with only two white power tattoos is not very awesome, so an update was definitely in order. Not only did I scrounge up a couple of new and exciting white power tats, but one of them is on a black man. Scratch that- one of them is on two different black men. What the shit?

Black Nazi

Then there’s this genius, who is obviously of the inbred yokel variety of racist. The 26 year-old was arrested while accompanying his girlfriend (who he met on the internet) to pick up her high school yearbook. I’m sure dude will have a great time in jail with that face-piece, especially after he realizes that bitch was using him to make daddy angry.

racist forehead tattoo

**********

This one has been around, but is still the reigning champ of “what the fuck?” Ass cheek + unicorn + swasi band = awesome. This is the best tattoo, white power or otherwise, that I have ever seen. I don’t know who the owner of said ink is, but we very well may be looking at the buttocks of Jesus.

This guy is new to me, but is destined for internet celebrity. You have to question his commitment to the cause, though. Is he truly white power, or just some internet nerd with a wicked sense of humor? ROTL LMWPAO :)

Unfortunately, that’s all I could come up with, so here is a cute, Holocaust denial kitty to tide you over. Why can’t more people express their racial politics in such a humorous manner? It would make hatred so much less scary. Until next time, Sieg Lol!

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Posted in Race Relations, Sociology, White Power!

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