Let’s face it, the Academy Awards get lamer every year. They’re long, boring- and with the expansion of the best picture category to ten- quickly losing their relevance. The only thing that keeps me watching is the office Oscar pool. If it weren’t for gambling, I’d never watch the Oscars again.
Which is why Mr. Skin’s Anatomy Awards are such a breath of fresh, unclothed air. What exactly are The Anatomy Awards, you ask? Why, only the most respected celebration of onscreen nudity to ever grace the internet. I can’t believe they are in their 12th year already. Is the internet even 12 years old?
Run by the venerable Mr. Skin, an O.G. in the celebrity skin game, The Anatomy Awards highlight such overlooked achievements in film as Best Nudecomer, Best Lesbian Scene, and Breast Picture. Not only that, YOU get to pick the winners. Click HERE to view clips of the nominudes and then cast your vote with your scrote! Apparently you can win an iPad (although we all win when an actress takes off her clothes. Unless that actress is Kathy Bates.)
The nominudes for Breast Picture are:
Piranha 3D (it does have a lot of ‘em)
Chloe (the other sexy, lesbian arthouse flick)
Love and Other Drugs (crappy rom-com featuring the glorious globes of Anne Hathaway)
Boogie Woogie (whatever the fuck that is)
Lake Placid 3D (hahaha, who knew they even made a part 2?)
Thank YOU for being a friend!
I know some of you are very disappointed right now. Who the hell is that nubile young thing? I was promised pics of Betty White, dammit! How am I supposed to whip up a tasty batch of knuckle butter to that?
Calm down, sir, I share your pain. I didn’t even know they made naked women in the 40′s. Obviously it is something that took a while to perfect.
More importantly, how did we not know about this until know? Over 50 years in the game and Ms. White still knows how to surprise us. That’s an actress who knows the meaning of the word relevant. You young sluts better recognize.
You perverts better hurry up and get your fill before The Parents Television Council ruin it for everyone.
Personally, I don’t think Skins comes remotely close to the legal definition of child pornography (based on all the Films I’ve Seen That Contain Underage Nudity.) I also don’t think it should be canceled because of the whinging of a bunch of outraged puritans. I think it should be canceled because it looks like a shitty show! Every time I see the ad on the subway, I want to punch every one of those kids in the face. Except the blond girl on the bottom right. I want to punch her in the back of the throat with my cock. If not her, then the cute little Paki right above her (that’s what they call them in the UK, right?)
All the skins I’ve been in I gets no frown
As far as I’m concerned, Skins and all other TV remakes like The Office can go fuck off back across the pond where they were better in the first place. But if you want to ogle some sexy pics of the promiscuous kids in question, check out this fair and balanced, totally NOT sensational photo gallery over at cbs.com.
Someone needs to combine these two clips, stat! Make it happen, internet.
It’s time once again to play everyone’s favorite new game, “Ladies, what would you rather?” This weeks feminine quandary- would you rather make love to a hippy with 8 cocks, or have your lady-bits pleasured by the hirsute mandibles of a giant arachnid? Specific, I know, but not completely out of the realm of possibilities. Both suitors are equally hairy, but the later won’t ask you out on a date to a drum circle in the “quad.” Choose your fate wisely.
(Also, keep in mind that spider picture is from a public service campaign, so he probably has AIDS, and everyone knows that SPIDER AIDS is especially bad.)
Posted in Sexuality, Television
Tagged Arachnid Cunnilingus, Arachnids, Dirty Hippies, Hippy Sex, Noel Fielding, Spider AIDS, Spider Dijon, Spider Lovin, Spiderlingus, Spiders, The Mighty Bush
With all due respect, your website was down at the time of this writing, which doesn’t really help your cause. That being said, good luck getting lazy Americans to give up a national holiday, no matter what it celebrates. Half of this country is unaware of the controversy surrounding Columbus Day, and the other half will get all uppity like a bunch of goombas on a bad episode of The Sopranos if you take it away. Plus, they ‘ll want to know why so many Puerto Rican guys are in a video asking for a Native American holiday.
Do we really want to start axing holidays and rewriting history? When you think about it, all national holidays have a modicum of controversy. Not many people know that New Year was an actual person, and that he was a suspected Nazi sympathizer. White people are against Martin Luther King Day because it is a celebration of virile black men taking our women. Cherry Trees everywhere are against President’s Day, because it celebrates the slaughter of their people so they can be made into false teeth. Independence Day celebrates the blowing up of the White House by aliens. Labor Day is actually in recognition of The Labour Party, and has nothing to do with the United States at all. Veterans Day is a holiday for baby-killers. Thanksgiving is like Columbus Day part II. And Christmas, Christmas is the worst of them all. Christmas celebrates the birth of Big Baby Jesus, who was killed and rose from the dead, making him a zombie. And everyone knows that zombies like to eat brains, which makes that time of year especially hard on brains.
Posted in History, Racism, Sociology, Television
Tagged Big Baby Jesus, Columbus Day, Controversy, Genocide, Goomba, Mass Murder, National Holidays, Native Americans, Rape, Sopranos, Zombies
Those of you lacking the capacity to understand a man’s propensity for arousal by a cartoon might want to change the channel. Coming to you straight from Reddit user Mrfredman, via those horny geeks at IO9, we proudly present- The Dr. Girlfriend nip slip that made it past the Adult Swim censors!
I suspect this is probably a ruse, a cunning attempt to trick me, but it is one that I can appreciate. Dr. Girlfriend, AKA Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, is the hottest piece of animated ass in all of super-villainy. Whether this single erotic frame aired on television or not is irrelevant- it exists in the here and now of the internet, which is tantamount to eternity.
Looks like the show’s creators (or the lonely Mrfredman) are not the only people on the web sexualizing this already sexually charged character. There is an abundance of fan created art to be found just the click of a few sticky keys away. It hasn’t reached THIS level yet (totally NSFPrudes), but it shouldn’t be long now.
Courtesy of paperfetish
Courtesy of spankingfemme (I think she likes spanking!)
Courtesy of ehenders
Courtesy of dovianax
Posted in Cartoons, Sexuality, Television
Tagged Adult Swim, Cartoon Porn, Dr. Girlfriend, Fan Art, Fetish, Naked, Nip Slip, Nude, Spanking, The Monarch, The Venture Bros, Topless
CLOUDS GRAZE THE SKY;
BELOW, SHEEP DRIFT GENTLE
OVER FIELDS, SOFT MIRRORS,
WARM WHITE SNOW.
Posted in Poetry, Science, Television
Tagged Blacula, Blade Runner, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Haik Ewe, Quantum Leap, Quantum Sheep, Scott Bakula, Scott Blacula, Valerie Laws
The first time I saw this commercial, it was playing in the background at a bar, and wasn’t even a gay bar! Don’t find anything odd about it? Then you were probably raised in a convent. And I’m not talking about one of those sexy European convents, where everyone is possessed by the devil, running around with no clothes, and masturbating with crosses. I’m talking, “Jesus didn’t have a penis” type convent here. So if that’s the case, here are some conceptual drawings to give you a clue. Welcome to the real world, sister.
Great for parties!
Posted in Masturbation, Sexuality, Television
Tagged Circle Jerk, Handjobs, Homoeroticism, Infomercials, Nunsploitation, Penis, Saturday Night Live, Shake Weight, Twink
On second thought, don’t (make the movie.) You’d only ruin it for me. You’ve squandered the goodwill accrued playing that lovable piece of milquetoast by endlessly rehashing the role, whoring it out as schtich with diminishing returns. From Juno to Superbad to Nick and Nora- all your characters are pale imitations of the one that made you famous, and frankly, it’s getting old.
Which is why I don’t even want to see you in the Arrested Development movie. Word on the street is you were the lone holdout, claiming a film version wouldn’t do the show justice. Well guess what? Playing watered down George Michaels in a bunch of shitty movies doesn’t do the show justice, either. Stop acting like you’re some bastion of artistic integrity. Scott Pilgrim is just George Michael with a flaming sword. Edgar Wright should have known better.
You know what I think? They should kill you off. Open the Arrested Development movie with George Michael’s funeral. Say he died in a freak banana dipping accident. Take a chance, go out funny, and save us the douche chills of watching you go through the motions. Your career just might benefit.
Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Film, Television
Tagged Arrested Development, Edgar Wright, George Michael, Jersey Shore, Michael Cera, Most Interesting Man in the World, Nick and Nora, Scott Pilgrim, Superbad