Remember how Mel Gibson threatened to kill Oksana Grigorieva over an interaction with their gardener? Turns out it happened during a placenta-burying ceremony in their backyard . Apparently Oksana smiled at the gardener, because ordering a man to handle the putrid waste expelled from your loins is a known seduction technique. Naturally, this prompted Mel to fly into a jealous rage, even though he’s the one who ordered the ceremony.
This is it- the catalyst that turned Mel’s life into an F5 level shit-tornado. It’s sad, because the whole thing could have easily been avoided. If your wife is a known hussy, you don’t let her strut around like a pig in heat while immigrant workers handle her womb leavings, you ship that slop off to some hippie artist to be crafted into a cuddly toy (that apparently needs to be hermetically sealed.) Nothing ensures the future scarring of your offspring like the prominent display of a trophy sewn out of your amniotic sac, except for maybe the public airing of their father’s hate-filled rants against women and minorities.
How does one prepare a vacated placenta for sewing, you ask? It’s simple. All you have to do is cut the fetid thing open, cure it with sea salt, dry it out, and then treat it with tannin and egg yolk. Doesn’t that sound yummy? I don’t know whether I want to make crafts with it or eat it, like a great big veiny omelet.
If only Mel had seen this post on Colt Monday, he wouldn’t be in this mess.
Looks like one of our big-titted alums is back in the news. Via Gawker:
Houston’s Sheyla Hershey broke the world record with her size 38KKK breasts. The Brazillian “model” has had 30 breast augmentations, and the most recent one might be the one that kills her or causes her to lose her prized possessions.
That means she may have to relinquish the record for having the world’s largest rack.
Poor girl. I have taken the liberty (with myself, which I do often) of reproducing the original post below:
38KKK. Those are some racist tittays. It’s ironic that she had to go all the way to Brazil to have some unscrupulous wetback surgeon install them. (I know, wetback is a derogatory term for Mexicans, not Brazilians, but I’m just quoting the original article, which comes from an extremely credible source. Besides, everybody knows Brazil is the Mexico of South America.) Upon closer inspection, she doesn’t even look white, so there is no way the Klan will endorse those self-hating mounds. This is my favorite part of the article:
Hershey dumped her boyfriend after he begged her not to get yet another surgery, but she told him she had to follow her dream.
That’s right, you follow your dream, girl. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t be the nastiest big-titted slut in the whole world.
Posted in Health, Topical, White Power!, Women's Issues
Tagged Amputation, Brazil, Breasts, Gangrene, KKK, Plastic Surgery, Racist Tits, Sheyla Hershey, World's Biggest Tits, World's Largest Breasts
Did I do that... YOU FUCKING CUNT BITCH?!?!?!?!
Sources familiar with the police report tell us … the alleged victim claims White allegedly punched her in one of her breast implants while they were driving on Pacific Coast Highway two weeks ago, with an infant in the car. We’re told, she claims when they got home White allegedly slapped her, and pushed her into a toilet so hard it broke the tank.
Hahaha. First of all, he punched her specifically in the implant? Not in the breast? What is the point of that detail? Also, that must have been one big ass bitch or one cheap ass toilet.
I guess if you spend your entire childhood being identified as a lovable TV nerd, you’re gonna spend your entire adult life overcompensating for that with rage. Looks like transforming into Stefan Urquelle wasn’t enough (because that’s basically who he became as an adult.) Nothing says “real man” more than domestic violence. Why let Mel have all the fun? Keep your bitch in line and get free publicity. It’s a win win.
Sad news via the Associated Press:
LOS ANGELES – Patrick Swayze, the hunky actor who danced his way into viewers’ hearts with “Dirty Dancing” and then broke them with “Ghost,” died Monday after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.
I would find this quote maudlin and humorous, except one of those hearts was mine. He lived like a loner, fought like a professional, and loved like there was no tomorrow. Patrick, you will be missed.
Posted in Film, Health, Music, Television, Topical
Tagged Cancer, Celebrities, Dirty Dancing, Ghost, I Had The Time Of My Life, Patrick Swayze Passes On, Point Break, RIP Patrick Swayze, Road House, She's Like The Wind
Not to be outdone by Michael Jackson, DJ AM’s death has been ruled a homicide. The culprit? Look closely, the killer is right in front of your eyes:
That’s right, it’s YOU- the womens of the world. (I had to put a wig and tits on the mirror, because the joke doesn’t really work if you’re a dude.) You take and you take and when you are through you discard us like a used tissue. AM’s ex, Hayley Wood, callously dumped his ass, prompting a downward spiral of hookers and blow, but now she’s all “DJ was the greatest person that ever lived, I will miss him dearly.” I guess the greatest person in the world wasn’t good enough for you, bitch, because YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM!
Same goes for Mandy Moore. Expect a tearful eulogy from Nicole Richie any minute as well.
Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Current Events, Drugs, Topical
Tagged DJ AM, DJ AM's Murderer, Hayley Wood, Homicide, Mandy Moore, Michael Jackson, Mirror with Breasts, Nicole Richie, Soul Murderers
Yes! A law allowing women to be topless in public has been on the books in NY since 1992, so why aren’t more women taking advantage of this? It’s a crime that some fat-tits of a man can whip out his hairy flapper-doodles, but a sexy lady can’t. The feminist in my pants is howling with rage. Ladies, it’s time to put your tits on for change! Unleash those indignant chest-scrotes and tit-clits!
Topless Women March in Central Park
Check out this Flickr page!
Thanks to Thighs Wide Shut for keeping us abreast of the fight against male oppression.
Generally, I cover up any flagrant nudity, but this is for a good cause, so I covered the tits with more tits! Viva la causa!
Posted in In The News, Sexuality, Topical, Women's Studies
Tagged Breasts, Chesticles, Equal Rights, Feminism, Flapper Doodles, GoTopless.org, National Go Topless Day, Sexism, Woman's Lib
Courtesy of The Sun.
Take a good, hard look at this picture. Forget all the details in the article about how Alfie is one of nine, or how Chantelle and the baby are living with her parents and five brothers, or how her father has no job and the whole family are already on welfare. I want you to block that all out and just imagine these two fucking. Really think about it.
That’s what I thought.
I wonder if that kid has the same deer in the headlights stare when he’s laying it down.
Posted in Abortion, Child Pornography, Family Values, Sexuality, Teen Pregnancy, Topical
Tagged 13 Year Old Father, Alfie Patton, British Family Values, Chantelle Steadman, Maisie Roxanne, the Sun