They finally got Bin Laden, but you know who they couldn’t get? Vincent Galloban, the unnamed terrorist in Jerzy Skolimowski’s Essential Killing. Granted, he was on the run in Poland, if you adhere to those sort of stereotypes, but still. The man is willy and elusive, and was last seen tear-assing across the tundra screeching, “They won’t catch me!” like he was W. Axl Rose.
When he is not tripping balls on poison berries or poorly dodging felled trees, Gallo is lurking in the forest, waiting for unsuspecting mothers to fall off their bikes and nurse their children in the middle of the road. It is then that he pounces, draughting a few meager mouthfuls of that sweet mother’s milk to wash down the fish scales and twigs he just ate, Allah forgive him.
Thanks to Shiv for the tagline
This film should have been awesome. Instead, it was a poorly directed snoozefest with a convenient series of events propelling the “narrative.” Gallo has been in plenty of crap, but it is a crime to put the man in a film where he doesn’t speak. Or get a blow job. The milk theft scene is its only saving grace. That and the fact that Gallo was so method, he demanded an actual lactating woman for the scene. The man is a professional!
Posted in Film, Politics, War
Tagged Breast Feeding, Essential Killing, Galloban, Jerzy Skolimowski, Lactation, Method Acting, Osama Bin Laden is Dead, Poland, Survival, Taliban, Terrorism, Vincent Gallo
Your toes are like crack to me.
It’s the only explanation. Why else would Tarantino keep putting Roth in his movies? Lovestruck directors have been putting the less than talented objects of their affection in their films since the Lumiere brothers, and Quentin is no exception. Roth Jager bombed his way into Tarantino’s heart in Deathproof, and has subsequently been rewarded with a role as the furry-chested Bear Jew in World War II epic, Inglourious Basterds.
This proves love is blind. Ten seconds of Roth’s cringe-inducing Carl Yastrzemski rant are almost enough to single-handedly ruin the whole film. Tarantino has gone from sabotaging his films with his own hammy acting to sabotaging them with Roth’s. Don’t Jimmy me, Jules. All I know is Roth must give some good toe.
Ride ‘em, cowboy!
At first I thought this was a joke, but if the BBC is reporting on it, you know its gotta be true:
The US military investigated building a “gay bomb”, which would make enemy soldiers “sexually irresistible” to each other, government papers say.
(Click HERE for full article.)
Time to call the Enola Gay out of retirement! According to the article, the 6 year, 7.5 million (!) dollar plan would use a potent aphrodisiac to provoke “widespread homosexual behavior” among enemy troops, causing what the military sensitively referred to as a “distasteful but completely non-lethal” blow to morale. Only high clearance officials were privy to the details of what would later become know as “Operation Cluster Fuck.”
When asked how making troops horny would elicit a specifically homosexual response, an anonymous military official had this to say:
We are confident that the overpowering effects of the aphrodisiac will result in an indiscriminate sexual need. That, combined with the disco music and the feather boas, should achieve the desired effect.
When pressed on the issue, his voice dropped and his eyes narrowed slightly:
Have you ever seen combat, son? From Geisha to gas tank, under the right circumstances, a horny soldier will fuck anything.
When asked if this meant that all soldiers had an inherent propensity for homosexuality, the official concluded the interview with a curt “no more questions” and beat a hasty retreat.
Other non-lethal alternatives which were also rejected include the equally ridiculous “halitosis” and “fart” bombs, although the idea of using them in conjunction with the gay bomb was deemed cruel and unusual, even by military standards.