8 crazy nights indeed!
Goddammit! Somebody stole my idea! I was totally gonna sell it to T-shirt Hell and make a killing. I was so excited when I first thought of this, I jumped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my dripping nethers, and did a Google search in the Shia Le Buff.
Dirty minds must think alike, because I found the subject on the tip of many an online tongue, like so much twattle (HERE and HERE). Loose lips sink ships, so consider my cunt currency ship sunk. (I also would have accepted: Yonic Yen Yacht, Slit Salary Schooner, Pussy Peso Pinnace, Beaver Bankroll Boat, Financial Furburger Fleet, and Marine Money Minge.)
Hm… how about a phallic Man-orah? Goddammit! That’s been taken too. Looks like its back to the drawing board for me. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! I know it may be a bit premature, but if Starbucks can sell Santa Jizz Machiatos before it is even Thanksgiving, then I can give a preemptive Sephardic shout out.
She’s also taken her love of creepy-old-man-dressed-in-kiddie-pajama-sex a little too far, and I approve. I want to be that old man when I grow up. He was cast as God in one of Elle’s short films and got the added bonus of posing for erotic photos with nubile young nudies. Supposedly these images were inspired by the crazy sexual dreams of Elle’s youth, which would make her one freaky little girl.
Carl Oldy Olson shuffles off this mortal coil with a smile
But let’s backtrack. Who exactly is Elle Muliarchyk? Born in Belarus, the fashion model turned photographer is famous for taking guerrilla style portraits of herself trying on clothes in high-end boutiques. She also makes a damn good nudie video. Her most recent endeavors include sneaking into churches and dressing statues in haute coture, as well as sending models in disguise to get their fortunes read. Even without bestiality and naked chicks, her work is pretty damn cool…
Thanks to The Tall Ry of legendary NY outfit K-Fag for the heads.
OTHER LOVE TAKEN TOO FAR
Posted in Art, Bestiality, Fashion, Nude Photography, Sexuality, Women's Issues
Tagged Carl Oldy Olson, Elle Muliarchyk, Kolostomy Fag, Lupuslingus, Psychic/Dossier, Wolf Sex
That’s right, ladies, it’s your own fault if your husband refuses to take the downtown train like Rod Stewart. Confused as to why? Most likely because you’re not shooting harsh antiseptic chemicals up your vadge to kill the cooties that incubate there.
Allow me to simplify for the uneducated housewife. “Cooties” is a scientific term for lady-germs. It comes from the same Latin origin as the word “cooter,” which literally means “flesh sauna.” If a man is frequenting a public sauna, he will naturally want to wear protective footwear. But just because you are lucky enough to have a private sauna installed in your own home does not mean scheduled maintenance should be neglected. Said maintenance falls under the jurisdiction of the lady of the house. If a feminine sauna is not properly seen to, it’s off to the local YMCA, where it’s fun for a frigid husband to stay!
If Lysol is not your twat sanitizer of choice, you might prefer their competitor- Zonite! When you absolutely need to eliminate that natural feminine odor and wreak havoc on the PH of your body, Zonite is the douche for you! Zonite is also good for paint stripping and de-greasing kitchen appliances. Now available in both lemon and “new car” scents. Try some today!
Womanly odor is offensive to dick. Subtle.
Posted in Health, Science, Sexuality, Sociology, Vagina, Women's Issues, Women's Studies
Tagged Cooties, Douche, Feminism, Lysol, Not So Fresh Feeling, Zonite
Time for a nerdy science post- Jabber style!
What do a woman’s vadge-niner and a man-eating shark have in common? No, not razor sharp teeth, you eurotophobic freak. We’re not trying to lend Creedence to the whole vagina dentata myth, here. I’m talkin’ bout squalene, silly! You know, the acyclic hydrocarbon that acts as an intermediate in the synthesis of cholesterol? What the hell did you think I meant? (Oh, right. The teeth thing.)
Never fear, my uninformed friend, the vagina is your… friend. Also. In addition to me. I’ll let a pseudo internet expert (internet pseudo expert?) explain.
Click for video
This reminds me of the French Canadian coming of age film, Leolo. It is the story of a young boy growing up in the tenements of Montreal who fantasizes about being Italian. And this is before The Jersey Shore, if you can believe that.
Anyway, he gets into all sorts of mischief, not least of which is the theft of a liver for masturbatory purposes (liver being the closest thing to a real vagina a pre-pubescent French kid who wants to be Italian could get his hands on.) Now if only he knew about squalene and had access to a shark’s liver- that’s practically a real woman! He’d be the envy of all his friends.
Once bitten, twice shy
Posted in Film, Science, Sexuality, Women's Issues
Tagged Creedence Clearwater Revival, Eurotophobia, Great White, Guidos, Italian Envy, Jersey Shore, John Fogerty, Leolo, Sharks, Squalene, Teeth, Vagina Dentata, Vaginal Fluids
Looks like one of our big-titted alums is back in the news. Via Gawker:
Houston’s Sheyla Hershey broke the world record with her size 38KKK breasts. The Brazillian “model” has had 30 breast augmentations, and the most recent one might be the one that kills her or causes her to lose her prized possessions.
That means she may have to relinquish the record for having the world’s largest rack.
Poor girl. I have taken the liberty (with myself, which I do often) of reproducing the original post below:
38KKK. Those are some racist tittays. It’s ironic that she had to go all the way to Brazil to have some unscrupulous wetback surgeon install them. (I know, wetback is a derogatory term for Mexicans, not Brazilians, but I’m just quoting the original article, which comes from an extremely credible source. Besides, everybody knows Brazil is the Mexico of South America.) Upon closer inspection, she doesn’t even look white, so there is no way the Klan will endorse those self-hating mounds. This is my favorite part of the article:
Hershey dumped her boyfriend after he begged her not to get yet another surgery, but she told him she had to follow her dream.
That’s right, you follow your dream, girl. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t be the nastiest big-titted slut in the whole world.
Posted in Health, Topical, White Power!, Women's Issues
Tagged Amputation, Brazil, Breasts, Gangrene, KKK, Plastic Surgery, Racist Tits, Sheyla Hershey, World's Biggest Tits, World's Largest Breasts
So fresh and so clean... (clean...)
From Elle magazine, by way of Jezebel:
On his deal-breaker:
“Toilet paper – and no baby wipes – in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.”
Hahaha. You tell that to a women’s magazine? Dude is seriously out of touch. I’m surprised he didn’t demand women on their period be sequestered from society due to uncleanliness, Bible style.
Thou Shalt Not!
And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean. And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
I bet when Terrence is alone and life is making him lonely, he’s shit out of luck. I find it hard to believe he would “listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova,” if you know what I mean.
Terrence demonstrates the proper way to clean the female vadge-niner
The consequence of not using Terrence Howard brand vag wipes
Posted in Celebrity Shit Heads, Film, Health, Religion, Sexuality, Women's Issues
Tagged Baby Wipes, Cleanliness, Elle Magazine, Feminine Products, Maxi Pads, Menstruation, Not So Fresh Feeling, Period, Terrence Howard, The Bible, Vagina