Category Archives: Writing

Procrastination = Death

LitReactor

Check out this nifty little video we shot to promote the upcoming LitReactor launch. It’s called Procrastination, and deals with a subject I’m sure most writers are familiar with. Procrastination. It features a winning performance by veteran thespian Brian James, as well as a healthy dose of the internet’s favorite thing- cat antics! It used to contain an hilarious masturbation scene (it’s no secret that masturbation is the greatest time burglar of all), but we trimmed it in the interest of mass appeal. Still, it’s worthy of your attention. You watch now!

And while you’re over there, don’t forget to sign our mailing list to receive your free PDF of exclusive writing advice from authors such as Chuck Palahniuk, Steve Erickson, Bret Easton Ellis, Craig Clevenger, Neil Gaiman, and Jack Ketchum. The internet is already abuzz with its praise.

There’s A New Literary Sheriff In Town

LitReactorI know most of the freaky weirdos that visit this blog don’t come here for my witty brand of irreverent humor. Don’t lie, I’ve seen the search engine stats. You’re into bizarre shit, I write about bizarre shit. Google does the rest. Chances are you discovered thejabber while searching some horrible combination of fetishes that by all rights should have the FBI beating down your door.

But maybe- just maybe- some of  you are more than the sum of your kink. Maybe some of you are writers. Writers looking to hone their craft. Or maybe you’re a book nerd, looking for a place to geek out. If so, allow me to present my latest writing venture- it’s called LitReactor.

LitReactor is a new website from the team behind ChuckPalahniuk.net, and will be devoted to the craft of writing and all things literary. We will be hosting a groundbreaking writer’s workshop; monthly classes taught by published authors and industry professionals; as well as an online magazine devoted to news, reviews, interviews, and articles.

The site goes live October 1st, but if you sign up for our mailing list now, you will receive a free compendium of exclusive writing advice from authors such as Chuck Palahniuk, Steve Erickson, Bret Easton Ellis, Craig Clevenger, Neil Gaiman, and Jack Ketchum. So head on over, and while you’re there, like and follow all the requisite social networking affiliates, which will feature supplementary material, not just content recycled from the website.

We’ve got a ton of great things planned, and look forward to sharing it with you all. And for those of you addicted to the flippancy of thejabber, don’t worry, we’ll still be churning out offensive material to clog the tubes of the internet like so many toilets.

Stick Your Finger In Vonnegut’s Asshole

You know you want to touch it

…to read my review of Look At The Birdie, his new posthumous collection of prehumous stories.

Or, if you are a prude, and don’t want to travel via anal wormhole, click HERE to be taken to ChuckPalahniuk.net the old fashioned way.

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Synopsis for “Saint Heretic”, New Novel by Craig Clevenger

It’s time for one of my serious posts, so no complaining.  Over at The Velvet they have posted a synopsis for the forthcoming novel by Craig Clevenger, entitled Saint Heretic. It’s buried in the forum, so I’ve dutifully ganked it and put it on display, along with some cheesy fan-made art.

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone...

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone...

Saint Heretic charts the intersection of three lives: the son of a convicted killer, an invisible man, and a fallen angel.

A young boy sits alone one evening watching television. A news report airs the discovery of a murdered young woman. The TV cuts to a photograph of the boy’s father, already in custody. Police arrive at the door only moments later. There are others, they tell him. Your father told us. Twenty years later, the boy, now a man, lives as Lyle Edison, an alias he assumed as a way of severing himself from the legacy of his father and escaping the scorn of being the son of a murderer.

Someone who claims to be a long-lost relative is trying to reach Lyle, writing him letters as he battles with his own dementia: his failing memory and his belief that he is so far removed from the eyes of God that he is literally turning invisible.

Enter Icarus, an angel who comes crashing to earth. After examination by the medics, he’s remanded to a psychiatric hospital where he awaits his orders from God. Steadfast in his service to the divine, Icarus is nonetheless irritated by the constraints of his new human form. He eventually leaves the hospital and, as the only one capable of seeing the invisible man whom he dubs ‘Mr. Fade,’ it is up to Icarus to reunite these estranged family members before he can resume his celestial form once more.

Sounds like a buddy comedy starring a reluctant serial killer, the Invisible Man, and either Lucifer or Denzel Washington, depending on your interpretation.  I imagine the three men driving cross country in a 57′ Chevy, Lucifer encouraging the boy to strangle young women while the Invisible Man watches and masturbates.

Question- Would the Invisible Man’s jizz also be invisible? Something to think about.

In all seriousness, I’m really looking forward to this. Clevenger is a man who takes his time with a novel, disappearing for years at a time before resurfacing with something shiny and new. Certain authors who, ironically, helped jumpstart Clevenger’s career and churn out a novel a year with diminishing creative returns could learn a thing or seven. Don’t be surprised if you find a brittle pair of testicles pressed between Heretic‘s pages like a rose when you crack the spine. Those would be mine, because this book will own them.

On a side note, why is it all my serious posts are about books? Books are fucking serious. They are humorless dicks, like Bill Cosby. You ever seen a copy of Ulysses yuckin’ it up like a chucklebox? No sir, you have not.

Now back to our regularly scheduled chuckfuckery.