First things first: head over to Fleshbot (site NSFW) and watch the scene in its entirety (even if you have to pry your eyes open with clamps, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange). The good news is the scene contains numerous tasty shots of spicy Spaniard Leonor Watling’s birdy num nums. The bad news is, you are watching a sex scene with Frodo that doesn’t feature Samwise The Brave.
Oh yeah, did I mention it involves spaghetti?
Donotwantdonotwantdonotwantdonotwantdonotwantdonotwantdonotwant.
Whence came this abomination, you ask? A little known/seen/liked film called The Oxford Murders, from the otherwise reliable mind-cooch of director Alex de la Iglesia. He of the church previously gave us such enjoyable motion pictures as Day of the Beast, 800 Bullets, and Perdita Durango; but with this monstrosity has chosen to spit libido sapping poison into the collective mind’s eye of his faithful fans. It would have been better for everyone involved if he had put John Hurt in the scene instead.
But awkward sex isn’t Oxford‘s only flaw (even if it is the only one that rapes you in the ocular cavity.) The film is also a bland, poorly scripted Davinci Code clone. In fact, I don’t know what’s worse- watching Frodo slurp second breakfast off that poor girl’s chest meat or seeing Iglesia demean himself with this second rate material.
And why cast Frodo in the first place? Capitalizing on some of that Lord of the Rings heat? Five years after the fact? Because his acting here is as stilted as his lovemaking.
When asked about filming the stomach churning love scenes, Frodo had this to say:
They were good – made all the more easy by working with Leonor.
Of course they were good! For YOU! Look at this FACE. It is the visage of a demented spaghetti fucker! You don’t see the media asking poor Leonor if she enjoyed having to suckle a halfling at her never ending pasta bowl. That’s because she’s locked away in an institution somewhere, a shell of her former self. She will never be able to experience the simple pleasures of normal sex or fine Italian cuisine ever again.
