Either that or he desperately wants to be. Check out this article I wrote over at LitReactor for the evidence. It carries the Pedo Bear seal of approval.
When I was but a lad, I used to love me some Piers Anthony. The delicious puns of the Xanth series, the themes of science versus religion in The Apprentice Adept, the humorous take on humanity that was The Incarnations of Immortality- it was pure nerd heaven. I would eventually go on to outgrow his work, but not before I had devoured everything the man had written at the time. This included his lesser known efforts, not all of which were as kid-friendly as the Xanth novels. Which is how I came to read Firefly.
And if you ever come across Firefly, I suggest you run screaming in the opposite direction. And if you cum across Firefly, then you are a sick fuck. Seriously, this article is not for those with a sensitive constitution, or those teetering on the edge of sexual decency. Enjoy (but not too much).
Recommended with impish glee by George R. R. Martin himself
Tired of your bastard sons usurping the inheritance of your true-born children? Well then rape and pillage responsibly by sheathing your flesh-sword in a Trojan brand Song of Fire and Ice condom. Why needlessly spill your seed into a serving wench or farmer’s daughter when you can just as easily spill it into an auroch skin? It takes less effort than raising the whelp and banishing him to The Wall (although The Wall is always looking for good men.) Avoid awkward family moments and the disdain of your lady wife with George R. R. Martin’s Song of Fire and Ice condoms! Lubricated with a special mixture of maiden’s thigh sweat and grease collected from the jowls of feasting sellswords, you won’t even know you’re cock-deep in animal innards. Don’t slide into that conquest bareback like a Dothraki savage, take up the battle cry of the responsible knight- no gauntlet, no love! Because when you play the Game of Bones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground.
Also available with dragon scale ribbing, for her (dis)pleasure.
Game of Thrones review
Posted in Books, Sexuality
Tagged Birth Control, Condoms, Fantasy, Fire and Ice, Game of Bones, Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin, HBO, Song of Ice and Fire, Trojan