This is the future, people. Science has finally solved the age old problem of the blown out O-ring… in mice.
Why mice? Because no one rump wrangles or power shats harder than the murine, that’s why. But don’t worry, the hierarchy of creatures in need of anus replacement goes 1. Mice, 2. Elton John, so humans should be next in line.
Especially since they are using a combination of human muscle cells and mouse nerve cells to achieve this scientific wonderment. Sound ungodly to you? That’s because you don’t have an asshole like a deflated inner tube. You know what it’s like when your socks lose elasticity and continually slouch down around your ankles? Picture that. Only in your butt.
This is why scientists science first and tell later. Thankfully the result wasn’t some sort of sentient, disembodied half human/half mouse/half anus that got loose (get it?) and wreaked havoc on a major metropolitan area. That would have been terrible. It would make for a good movie, though. I’m writing “Frankenanus” as we speak, so no one steal my idea.
Chalk another one up for science. How many anuses has Jesus replaced? None, I should think. Otherwise it would have been in the Bible, right there next to turning water into wine. Viva la science!