21 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List, 3.4 million books in print- Heaven Is For Real is the touching preposterous true story (!) of an anesthetized four-year-old boy with a burst appendix who visits heaven, where he plays Parcheesi with angelic hosts and the miscarried fetuses of his parents. We’re talkin’ white christian heaven, full of clouds and rainbows and winged Abe Lincolns. A place where everyone is younger, except aborted babies, who are magically rounded up to toddler, so they can sit on Jesus’ roomy lap and cuddle.
Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? The book was written by the boy’s father, who is an evangelical pastor, and Lynn Vincent, co-writer of the kick ass Sarah Palin fantasy novel, Going Rogue (soon to be a sex-filled mini-series from HBO.) Together they manage to pad out the post-op ravings of a delirious child to a sellable 192 pages. Considering the kid only spent 3 minutes “in heaven,” that is an impressive feat indeed. And you, the ignorant American public, have validated their efforts with your wallets. Well done.
Why is this a cause for concern? Look at the picture on the cover. Are we sure the kid didn’t come out of this ordeal with significantly fewer brain cells? He looks borderline retarded, with his cheese-eating grin and Johnny Unitas haircut. That right there should be a wake-up call to anyone who reads this book. This is your prophet. Remember David goes to the dentist? Times that by 1000. That’s what you’re basing your belief in the afterlife on. You continue to ignore the empirical evidence supporting evolution, but a drugged up child says he hung out with Jesus and you’re all in.
