Why do we love the Nazis so much? And when did they become an object of erotic obsession in popular culture?
As far as I can tell, the Third Reich’s had our little soldiers sieg heiling ever since the Paris Peace Conference. From the art house to the grindhouse, those sadistic bastards are responsible for encouraging more instances of the five finger goose step than Linda Lovelace and Marilyn Chambers combined. In doing so, they’ve actually perpetrated a second, even larger Holocaust than the first- a sperm Holocaust. And for those who think this is a disgusting male only fetish, i assure you, the Nazis have made their share of meat curtains weep lugubrious stink tears.
The question still remains- why? I could give you some psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo about facing our fears, but that doesn’t explain the arousal factor. A film like 1974′s The Night Porter attempts to rise above mere titillation and explain this morbid connection, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen it that all I can remember are the pert teats of Ms. Charlotte Rampling (and also that it was kind of boring for a sadomasochistic Nazi sex movie).
The complete opposite of boring, however, is the legion of Nazi themed exploitation films made in the 1970′s. Most of them were of Italian origin, even though you’d think the Itais would want to steer clear of associating themselves with anything Axis. Oddly enough, one of the most popular and profitable of the genre, Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS, was a Canadian production (Go Canada! I didn’t know you had it in you!) that was shot on the abandoned set of Hogan’s Heroes. It spawned a host of inferior imitators, which should only be of concern to the discriminating connoisseur of Naziploitation. For an exhaustive list, check out this site HERE, if only for the naked dancing Nazi pop-up and the Freudian mistyping of “cute-rate Goebbels.” Sounds like somebody has a crush!
If we had to, I suppose we could trace the whole thing all the way back to Uncle Adolf himself. It is a little know fact that The Fuhrer was a major league cooze hound in his day. He loved pussy so much, he didn’t even want to leave it to be born. (NSFW) He took on all comers, from the barely legal (Eva) to the very related (Geli)- just as long as they were white as a glass of milk. (Obviously, he didn’t subscribe to the idea that they’re all pink on the inside.) For those of you clamoring for actual proof, these recently surfaced photographs should suffice. They further corroborate the fact that The H Man liked him some strange.
So you see, sexuality and Nazism go hand in hand. If Hitler were alive today, I’d like to think he’d be a more politically motivated version of Hugh Hefner. In fact, I think the girl pictured below would be the perfect match for this theoretical geriatric anti-Semite. She’s young, white, well-read and- I may be going out on a limb here- but she probably hates the Jews. She seems a tad overdressed, but we don’t want the FBI beating down our door. The two love birds could have a reality show, like The Girls Next Door, wherein the young lass attends to the needs of Grandpa Hitler, from the practical to the sexual. She could strain his peas, change his diaper and milk his prostate. Yummers! I know I’d watch it.