Tag Archives: Lactation

The Lactating Step Daughter And Other eRotic Tales

Lactating Step Daughter

Does a body good.

We all know the internet’s a strange place. Hell, I’m a major contributor. But it’s only strange because the world is strange- we just never had such unprecedented access before. In my day, you’d actually have to go to the library and dig around in these things called “books” to sate your curiosity for the curious. How do you think I learned about the Aves and the Apis? The encyclopedia and my mother’s romance novels, that’s how. Thanks, mom.

Speaking of books and the internet and romance, have you checked out the eBook eRotica scene lately? It’s like the wild west out there, if cacti and dirt were incest fantasies and Lolita fetishes. (Strangely enough, both the west and eRotica contain a plethora of steers and queers. Brokeback Borracho!)

Intrigued? Titilated? Looking to make a quick buck? Then check out my article on The Wild West World of eBook Only Erotica over at my writing day job, LitReactor:

We’re not talking Lady Chatterley’s Lover or The Story of O, here. Hell, we’re not even talking the bodice-ripping pirate rape of your mother’s Harlequin Romance. This is unabashed, down and dirty fuck fiction, made specifically to put money in pockets and a rocket in yours.

eBook eRotica Covers

I even try my hand at writing my own eRotic story, although what I wound up with was certainly less pornographic than Fresh Teen Sluts: Bath Time With Daddy or Little Virgin Sister’s Webcam Show. I went a little more… classical. I guess that’s the influence of my mother’s romance novels.  An excerpt, submitted for your one-handed approval:

The undergrowth of her undercarriage shimmered with the sheen of her musk. Glistening liquid orbs trickled down the shaft of her pubic fronds, breaking up into even smaller droplets, ejected in an arc like seed as they met the pliant flesh of her quivering pussy cheeks. These satellite droplets fell like tears, splashing off the porcelain cliffs of her inner thighs, and ran down in rivulets to fill the basin of her cleft like some geological formation at the dawn of time.

“Be gentle, Sir Knight. It is my first time.”

She didn’t say it- she breathed it. The plea tumbled out in a whisper, the word “time” barely avoiding being sucked back in on a sharp intake of air as a finger dipped into her honey-pot.

“That makes this a first for me as well,” The Knight cooed like an over-confident pigeon. “For I have only known the hospitality of a lady by force.”

Her body stiffened, eliciting a smile.

“But you are different, my lady. You are the first I have wanted to give of herself… willingly.”

He hovered over her body, the proof of his words bouncing like a diving board moments after its athlete has gracefully floated towards the watery depths.

“My warrior is yours to command.”

Click on over to LitReactor to find out what happens next. I’ll give you a hint: it involves blue balls and Spike Lee references.

Vincent Gallo Steals Breast Milk From A Fat-Titted Polish Woman At Gunpoint

Essential Killing Breast Milk

They finally got Bin Laden, but you know who they couldn’t get? Vincent Galloban, the unnamed terrorist in Jerzy Skolimowski’s Essential Killing. Granted, he was on the run in Poland, if you adhere to those sort of stereotypes, but still. The man is willy and elusive, and was last seen tear-assing across the tundra screeching, “They won’t catch me!” like he was W. Axl Rose.

When he is not tripping balls on poison berries or poorly dodging felled trees, Gallo is lurking in the forest, waiting for unsuspecting mothers to fall off their bikes and nurse their children in the middle of the road. It is then that he pounces, draughting a few meager mouthfuls of that sweet mother’s milk to wash down the fish scales and twigs he just ate, Allah forgive him.

Suckle to Survive

Thanks to Shiv for the tagline

This film should have been awesome. Instead, it was a poorly directed snoozefest with a convenient series of events propelling the “narrative.” Gallo has been in plenty of crap, but it is a crime to put the man in a film where he doesn’t speak. Or get a blow job. The milk theft scene is its only saving grace. That and the fact that Gallo was so method, he demanded an actual lactating woman for the scene. The man is a professional!

Monkeys With Human Faces Want To Suckle Our Women!

Lactating ladies, beware! Next time your baby cries out for the sweet nectar that is mother’s milk, make sure it is not a horny primate in disguise looking to suckle at your teat! Those crafty beasts are stealing human faces in order to get their greedy mouths on our women, in an attempt to get them hooked on monkey-love. Their lips are practically prehensile, so imagine the repercussions when they move on to the vagina. Human men will become obsolete, and the earth will be over-run with virile half-breeds. They will don suits and ties, infiltrate the workplace and take over the world!

If we are lucky, maybe a few of us will be kept on as breeders, providing a fresh crop of pure-blooded human poon for the apes in power. The male children will be killed or eaten, while the females will be raised in an environment of erotic proportions. The man-apes will become addicted to the sweet meat and refuse to bone regular lady-apes anymore. But that will be their downfall, because then the lady-apes will get pissed that the human woman are taking all their men, and they will rise up with their rolling pins and smite the heads of those horny man-apes, allowing the rebel humans to overthrow the fascist ape regime and reclaim what is rightfully theirs! Damn you dirty apes!


Shut up and kiss me!

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