Tag Archives: Lindsay Lohan

Revenge of the Chinese Paranormal Corpse Sex

From Rare Cult Films:

Seeding of a Ghost is a neat little film produced by the infamous Shaw Brothers Studio in their last few years of existence… It’s an interesting artifact from a time when the studio was trying to re-establish relevancy with the film-going public in Hong Kong in the face of stiff competition from the newer, hipper studios… So how does an old-fashioned Hong Kong film company make a movie that speaks to the audience of China circa 1983? Why, by making a sleazy exploitation movie about ghosts, sex, and voodoo, of course…

…Basically our hero’s girlfriend is raped and murdered by some thugs, and he goes about getting his revenge with the help of a crazy-looking voodoo priest. And that’s pretty much it. Violence, nudity, sex scenes, reanimated corpses, and general chaos ensue.

And don’t forget boners! This is a highly erotic piece of cinema whose title should be taken literally. That ghost gets filled with supernatural semen in this orgasm of ectoplasm. I’m not entirely sure, but what I’ve deduced from the clip is that the corpse of the hero’s wife is impregnated by the soul of some dude (who may also be dead) so that she may give birth to the vehicle of her own vengeance. Let’s see you come up with that, Hollywood! (This just in, Seeding of A Ghost to be remade by Robert Rodriguez, starring John Cho and Lindsay Lohan.)

Seeding of a Lindsay Lohan

That coke diet finally pays off.

Hollywood is a Postmodern Farce of Epic Proportion

Hollywood Sign

Hooray

All the world’s a stage, but Hollywood, specifically, is some bizarre mutation of The Truman Show where the players are aware they are putting on a show while the observers are not. I postulate this- Hollywood life is entertainment. And I’m not just talking about reality TV. It should be obvious to any idiot with half a monkey-brain that that shit is a put-on. No, I’m talking about the day-to-day lives of so-called “celebrities” and socialites. Why make a movie when your life is a movie?

Take, for instance, the recent exploits of Lindsay Blohan and Mel “raped by a pack of n*ggers” Gibson. You can’t make that shit up. People can’t be that stupid. (Can they?) Hasn’t it ever occurred to anyone that this might be one gigantic stage play? They’re all in on it. The celebs, TMZ, the courts, the police- every one of them a professional actor. Hollywood is a postmodernist construct, providing vicarious next-level thrills in a world of cinematic decline. The only way to deliver pseudo-realism on such a grand scale is to substitute life as medium. It’s basically the real life version of Synecdoche, New York.

Lindsay Lohan - Blubberpuss

Blubberpuss

Not to get too topical, but the current Lohan court drama is so histrionic it borders on satire. She tweets about U.N. policy on torture, compares herself to an Iranian woman stoned for adultery, writes fuck U on her fingernail then displays it in court, calls the judge a fucking bitch, cries to her friends about how she’s not going to jail, drives her lawyer to quit- how could it not be scripted?

Then there’s good ole’ Mel, AKA SuperRacist. I won’t run down the list of quotes (you can find them HERE), but suffice to say a line as brilliant as, I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first, had to be written by a talent the caliber of a Mamet or a Tarantino. It’s misogyny as pure poetry.

Mel Gibson - Super Racist

No Foot Big Enough

If Hollywood is Truman, who is the Christof character in this situation? It can’t be Harvey Levin, that’s too obvious. There is probably some god-like executive in the sky who only communicates through a sightless intercessor pulling the strings. Like The Architect in The Matrix Reloaded, only less annoying, or The Great and Powerful Oz. It’s the only explanation. Otherwise, existence is just a dream within a dream inside a retarded dog’s head.

Share