Tag Archives: LitReactor

Cum For Bigfoot

Cum For Bigfoot

I lay snuggled next to Bigfoot, whose name was Leonard.

That is the actual opening line from Cum For Bigfoot 2, an erotic eBook by Virginia Wade. According to the Amazon description, it is a story that contains: oral sex, anal sex, double penetration, rimming, spanking, penetration with a large object, threesomes, and an orgy. The fact that they all involve a Bigfoot or BigFeet is implied. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

About a month ago, I wrote a post about a post I wrote for LitReactor on The Wild West World of eBook Only Erotica. A year or so prior to that, I had written a post entitled Bigfoot: Super Rapist. Little did I know at the time that the two went hand in hairy hand.

Virginia-Wade-Medley

The versatility of Virginia Wade, author.

The fact that a sequel exists means that the first installment of Cum For Bigfoot must have been popular enough to warrant one. Hell, it must have been reeeeeally popular, because Virginia has also written a threequel, published February the 1st. Check out this amusing synopsis:

The Bigfoot saga continues with Porsche, Shelly, and Leslie’s abduction by a horny tribe of apes. In the third installment of the Monster Sex Series, Porsche and Shelly find themselves no closer to rescue, although relationships are forming between the apes and their captive fuck-bunnies. And, what’s not to love about an eight foot walking carpet with a huge penis? Could it be that Porsche is falling in love with her ape, Leonard? Will rescue finally cum for the girls or are they destined to have wild, hot, monster sex in the forest for all eternity?

So, I guess Bigfoot rape fantasies are a thing? Ladies, is this true? Couldn’t you just marry a Greek guy? In any event, it just proves the age-old adage: It isn’t rape if she enjoys it. Even if it’s by a hairy Neanderthal. Right, Greg Kelly?

Greg-Kelly-Bigfoot

Wild, hot, monster sex.

And if Big Foot rape isn’t your thing, don’t worry, Virginia’s got you covered. You can also be raped by Frankenstein or The Invisible Man. It’s all about options.

The Lactating Step Daughter And Other eRotic Tales

Lactating Step Daughter

Does a body good.

We all know the internet’s a strange place. Hell, I’m a major contributor. But it’s only strange because the world is strange- we just never had such unprecedented access before. In my day, you’d actually have to go to the library and dig around in these things called “books” to sate your curiosity for the curious. How do you think I learned about the Aves and the Apis? The encyclopedia and my mother’s romance novels, that’s how. Thanks, mom.

Speaking of books and the internet and romance, have you checked out the eBook eRotica scene lately? It’s like the wild west out there, if cacti and dirt were incest fantasies and Lolita fetishes. (Strangely enough, both the west and eRotica contain a plethora of steers and queers. Brokeback Borracho!)

Intrigued? Titilated? Looking to make a quick buck? Then check out my article on The Wild West World of eBook Only Erotica over at my writing day job, LitReactor:

We’re not talking Lady Chatterley’s Lover or The Story of O, here. Hell, we’re not even talking the bodice-ripping pirate rape of your mother’s Harlequin Romance. This is unabashed, down and dirty fuck fiction, made specifically to put money in pockets and a rocket in yours.

eBook eRotica Covers

I even try my hand at writing my own eRotic story, although what I wound up with was certainly less pornographic than Fresh Teen Sluts: Bath Time With Daddy or Little Virgin Sister’s Webcam Show. I went a little more… classical. I guess that’s the influence of my mother’s romance novels.  An excerpt, submitted for your one-handed approval:

The undergrowth of her undercarriage shimmered with the sheen of her musk. Glistening liquid orbs trickled down the shaft of her pubic fronds, breaking up into even smaller droplets, ejected in an arc like seed as they met the pliant flesh of her quivering pussy cheeks. These satellite droplets fell like tears, splashing off the porcelain cliffs of her inner thighs, and ran down in rivulets to fill the basin of her cleft like some geological formation at the dawn of time.

“Be gentle, Sir Knight. It is my first time.”

She didn’t say it- she breathed it. The plea tumbled out in a whisper, the word “time” barely avoiding being sucked back in on a sharp intake of air as a finger dipped into her honey-pot.

“That makes this a first for me as well,” The Knight cooed like an over-confident pigeon. “For I have only known the hospitality of a lady by force.”

Her body stiffened, eliciting a smile.

“But you are different, my lady. You are the first I have wanted to give of herself… willingly.”

He hovered over her body, the proof of his words bouncing like a diving board moments after its athlete has gracefully floated towards the watery depths.

“My warrior is yours to command.”

Click on over to LitReactor to find out what happens next. I’ll give you a hint: it involves blue balls and Spike Lee references.

Fantasy Author Piers Anthony Might Be A Pedophile

Piers-Anthony-Pedo

Either that or he desperately wants to be. Check out this article I wrote over at LitReactor for the evidence. It carries the Pedo Bear seal of approval.

When I was but a lad, I used to love me some Piers Anthony. The delicious puns of the Xanth series, the themes of science versus religion in The Apprentice Adept, the humorous take on humanity that was The Incarnations of Immortality- it was pure nerd heaven. I would eventually go on to outgrow his work, but not before I had devoured everything the man had written at the time. This included his lesser known efforts, not all of which were as kid-friendly as the Xanth novels. Which is how I came to read Firefly.

And if you ever come across Firefly, I suggest you run screaming in the opposite direction. And if you cum across Firefly, then you are a sick fuck. Seriously, this article is not for those with a sensitive constitution, or those teetering on the edge of sexual decency. Enjoy (but not too much).

Cavalcade of Literary Jerks: The Top 10 Jerk Authors of All Time

jerk-shakespeare

Yes, I know it’s been a bit quiet around here. Between Fantastic Fest and the LitReactor launch I’ve been muy busioso. But this isn’t a blog about my personal life, so enough about me! Let’s talk about me! I’ve written a fabulous post over at LitReactor about the top 10 jerk authors of all time. I know most of the people who read this blog are barely literate, but chances are your favorite author is on the list. Go check it out.

Via LitReactor:

Hero worship is a dangerous proposition, especially in literature. Writers are a notoriously temperamental bunch, and few are suited to a Brad Pitt level of public scrutiny. By putting your favorite author on a pedestal, you are setting yourself up for disappointment should you ever choose to peer behind the curtain. This is especially true in our futuristic computer world. The majority of my research for Cavalcade consisted of me Googling “[author's name] is a jerk.” The zeroes and ones did the rest. Used to be in the old days you had to have an altercation with a celebrity on the street to get a bad impression of them. Now it’s as easy as tapping a few keys.

Procrastination = Death

LitReactor

Check out this nifty little video we shot to promote the upcoming LitReactor launch. It’s called Procrastination, and deals with a subject I’m sure most writers are familiar with. Procrastination. It features a winning performance by veteran thespian Brian James, as well as a healthy dose of the internet’s favorite thing- cat antics! It used to contain an hilarious masturbation scene (it’s no secret that masturbation is the greatest time burglar of all), but we trimmed it in the interest of mass appeal. Still, it’s worthy of your attention. You watch now!

And while you’re over there, don’t forget to sign our mailing list to receive your free PDF of exclusive writing advice from authors such as Chuck Palahniuk, Steve Erickson, Bret Easton Ellis, Craig Clevenger, Neil Gaiman, and Jack Ketchum. The internet is already abuzz with its praise.