Remember when I got that Spotify invite from Douchey La Femme in Linkin Park? Well, I’ve been making good use of it, and I want to share the fruits of my labor with your languid loins. So without additional adieu, I present to you, for your listening pleasure, my very first playlist- The Soundtrack To My Lovemaking.
This guaranteed panty-dropper features such cock-rockin’ jams as “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon (not gay), “Making Love Out Of Nothing At All” by Air Supply (not gay), and “Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest (totally not gay). It’s also got some Wham!, Swayze, and Styxx for dat ass, so come get some.
Don’t be caught with your pants down without these pipe-layin’ classics. Trust me, even if she doesn’t want to fuck you, she’ll let you stick it in just so she can hear the end of “Headed For A Heartbreak.” Hell, she may even stay and cuddle a while to see what’s next. And don’t worry about getting her in the mood. If your ministrations don’t make her wet, getting double-teamed by the soulful duo of Philip Bailey and Phil Collins will. She’ll be so preoccupied with the melodic meat in her aural canals that she won’t notice yours betwixt her sticks. And if she is filled with disgust and regret the morning after and decides to report you, who’s gonna believe her when the police sketch comes out looking like the cover of No Jacket Required?
So what are you waiting for, lazy dick? Hurry up and download The Soundtrack To My Lovemaking. It’s like rock n’ roll Rohypnol.