Remember when I got that Spotify invite from Douchey La Femme in Linkin Park? Well, I’ve been making good use of it, and I want to share the fruits of my labor with your languid loins. So without additional adieu, I present to you, for your listening pleasure, my very first playlist- The Soundtrack To My Lovemaking.
This guaranteed panty-dropper features such cock-rockin’ jams as “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon (not gay), “Making Love Out Of Nothing At All” by Air Supply (not gay), and “Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest (totally not gay). It’s also got some Wham!, Swayze, and Styxx for dat ass, so come get some.
Don’t be caught with your pants down without these pipe-layin’ classics. Trust me, even if she doesn’t want to fuck you, she’ll let you stick it in just so she can hear the end of “Headed For A Heartbreak.” Hell, she may even stay and cuddle a while to see what’s next. And don’t worry about getting her in the mood. If your ministrations don’t make her wet, getting double-teamed by the soulful duo of Philip Bailey and Phil Collins will. She’ll be so preoccupied with the melodic meat in her aural canals that she won’t notice yours betwixt her sticks. And if she is filled with disgust and regret the morning after and decides to report you, who’s gonna believe her when the police sketch comes out looking like the cover of No Jacket Required?
So what are you waiting for, lazy dick? Hurry up and download The Soundtrack To My Lovemaking. It’s like rock n’ roll Rohypnol.
Non-overlapping magisteria my ass!
You got your science in my religion! You got your religion in my science! Wait a minute… this is delicious!!! Stephen Jay Gould had it all wrong. The idea that science and religion are two monarchs presiding over completely different kingdoms is preposterous. They are more like conjoined twins, separated at birth, who are incomplete without each other.
Because not only is The Bible a handy book of rules by which to live your life and tell your neighbor how he should live his, it is a scientific text that rivals the whole of modern academic knowledge!
Not convinced? Have you read a little pamphlet called, Dinosaurs and The Bible? It sheds some serious light on the historical context of giant reptiles and exposes the errors in evolutionary thinking.
To all evolutionists out there I say, were you there? No, but God was, and he dictated the events of The Book of Genesis to that Moses guy, so we can infer from vague, later passages in The Bible that a pair of T Rex were on that giant boat Noah built. (I don’t think Phil Collins had anything to do with it, but I could be mistaken.) Feeble attempts such as THIS, which utilize basic common sense and rudimentary scientific knowledge to prove their point shall be summarily dismissed.
Because let’s be honest- the inclusion of a bad-ass dino-riding savior would make church way more interesting. I think it also opens the door for the possibility of dinosaurs interacting with other famous historical figures, like Hitler and Abraham Lincoln.
Posted in Religion, Science
Tagged Abraham Lincoln, Answers in Genesis, Bolivia, Creationism, Dinosaurs, Evolution, Johnny Walker, Ken Ham, Phil Collins, Stephen Jay Gould