Blood River- Another belt of moonshine from the Mason jar. Just as tough to swallow and as poorly acted as the previous batch, but for some reason I keep drinkin’ it.
Lake Mungo- One of those pseudo-documentary style horror flicks that are all the rage these days. This one’s about a missing girl with a mysterious past. More interesting than Paranormal Activity and less annoying than The Blair Witch Project.
Mother- Tell your children not to walk my way. Especially if they are sexually frustrated and legally retarded. A bad combo that makes for a good movie about the complicity of family.
Never Let Me Go- Emotionally restrained adaptation of Ishiguro’s quasi science fiction novel. The only thing flatter than Keira Knightley’s performance is her chest.
RUSH: Beyond the Lighted Stage- A chronicle of the greatest drummer in the world, the ugliest woman in rock and roll, and that other guy. Kinda like a longer, better produced episode of Behind The Music. If you like Rush even a little, you’ll like this movie.
The Last Exorcism- Another one of those pseudo-documentary style horror flicks that are all the rage these days. Blair Witch meets The Exorcist meets Rosemary’s Baby. Better than at least one of those movies.
The God Who Wasn’t There- Sorry, Margaret, I’m not here to take your call. You’ll have to deal with your first period on your own. Those old school maxi-diapers are a bitch. Good thing it’s 2010 and people don’t use them anymore, although they still believe in me for some reason.
Galaxy of Terror- Galaxy of terrible. Except for the infamous giant worm rape scene, which is a bit of brilliance. It’s like the rape scene in Straw Dogs, on an intergalactic level.
Winter’s Bone- Ozarkian hillbilly noir about a young girl’s search for her deadbeat dad who might be dead. I don’t really have a joke for this one. It’s that good.
Restrepo- A year in the life of a platoon stationed in one of the most strategic (and dangerous) valleys in Afghanistan. Intense doc. Makes me thankful I’m middle class and white and didn’t have to join the army. Let Them Eat War.
Beast in Space XXX- Ridiculously bad euro-sleaze that makes Galaxy of Terror look like 2001. The XXX version features spliced in porno sex, where the genitals don’t match the action. In one such scene they intercut a blond white woman with almost no pubes and a black vagina with a giant, curly bush. That’s how bad this movie is. (Click HERE to be on the receiving end of some giant beast cock. NSFW)
Beautiful- Australian Blue Velvet ripoff that suffers from a lack of Dennis Hopper, Isabella Rossellini’s bush, the chicken walk, and David Lynch behind the camera.
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Another Exciting Installment of Encapsulated Movie Reviews: The Pirate Edition
