Tag Archives: Underage Pussy

The Lactating Step Daughter And Other eRotic Tales

Lactating Step Daughter

Does a body good.

We all know the internet’s a strange place. Hell, I’m a major contributor. But it’s only strange because the world is strange- we just never had such unprecedented access before. In my day, you’d actually have to go to the library and dig around in these things called “books” to sate your curiosity for the curious. How do you think I learned about the Aves and the Apis? The encyclopedia and my mother’s romance novels, that’s how. Thanks, mom.

Speaking of books and the internet and romance, have you checked out the eBook eRotica scene lately? It’s like the wild west out there, if cacti and dirt were incest fantasies and Lolita fetishes. (Strangely enough, both the west and eRotica contain a plethora of steers and queers. Brokeback Borracho!)

Intrigued? Titilated? Looking to make a quick buck? Then check out my article on The Wild West World of eBook Only Erotica over at my writing day job, LitReactor:

We’re not talking Lady Chatterley’s Lover or The Story of O, here. Hell, we’re not even talking the bodice-ripping pirate rape of your mother’s Harlequin Romance. This is unabashed, down and dirty fuck fiction, made specifically to put money in pockets and a rocket in yours.

eBook eRotica Covers

I even try my hand at writing my own eRotic story, although what I wound up with was certainly less pornographic than Fresh Teen Sluts: Bath Time With Daddy or Little Virgin Sister’s Webcam Show. I went a little more… classical. I guess that’s the influence of my mother’s romance novels.  An excerpt, submitted for your one-handed approval:

The undergrowth of her undercarriage shimmered with the sheen of her musk. Glistening liquid orbs trickled down the shaft of her pubic fronds, breaking up into even smaller droplets, ejected in an arc like seed as they met the pliant flesh of her quivering pussy cheeks. These satellite droplets fell like tears, splashing off the porcelain cliffs of her inner thighs, and ran down in rivulets to fill the basin of her cleft like some geological formation at the dawn of time.

“Be gentle, Sir Knight. It is my first time.”

She didn’t say it- she breathed it. The plea tumbled out in a whisper, the word “time” barely avoiding being sucked back in on a sharp intake of air as a finger dipped into her honey-pot.

“That makes this a first for me as well,” The Knight cooed like an over-confident pigeon. “For I have only known the hospitality of a lady by force.”

Her body stiffened, eliciting a smile.

“But you are different, my lady. You are the first I have wanted to give of herself… willingly.”

He hovered over her body, the proof of his words bouncing like a diving board moments after its athlete has gracefully floated towards the watery depths.

“My warrior is yours to command.”

Click on over to LitReactor to find out what happens next. I’ll give you a hint: it involves blue balls and Spike Lee references.

Can White Guy Dreads PLEASE Be Over?

Do people still do this? I mean, they don’t even really look good on black guys- I’m just not man enough to tell them that. In fact, I won’t listen to any band that has a white member with dreads (especially if he “plays” the turntables), no matter how good they are. It’s a matter of principle. I hate hippies, and metal hippies are the worst. Take your peace and love and your lice and take a fucking shower, Pig-Pen.

No White Guy Dreads

This is one of the first pics to come up when you image search “white guy dreads.” Too bad the guy in the drawing looks like K-Solo with vitiligo. I appreciate the sentiment, but EPIC FAIL.

Pig Dreads

Any chick desperate enough to sleep with this scum-bag, who henceforth will be referred to as “tarantula head,” should be burned, along with the sheets and the bed and the house said copulation took place in.

Lady Dude Dreads

The 90′s are over, dude. Time to shave those hair-turds.

Jon Favereu Dreads

Sorry, Jon Favereu. I know you love Counting Crows, but just because you tricked people into paying to see Elf doesn’t mean you can pull off the impossible.

Cute Girl Dreads

This underage chick would be totally cute if she cut her hair like Natalie Portman in V For Vendetta.

A Bunch of Naked Idjits Ride a Rollercoaster: A Pictorial

Recently a bunch of limey Brits doffed their kit and rode the dragon (alligator?) for charity. Wackiness ensued (in my brain).
in it for the tits

mother daughter nude

one-of-the-guys

fat tits

Check out the uncensored pics in all their wrinkly-titted, saggy-assed glory at whatever the fuck Anorak News is. I think it’s some Eskimo celebrity news site.

Daddy’s Little Racists Are All Grown Up

White never felt so right...
White never felt so right…

…and they are looking foin. Maybe there’s something to be said for purity of race (I kid, I kid.) I’m not sure which one is Lynx and which one is Lamb, but the one on the left grew up to be an Amazon, and that’s after I doctored the pic in photoshop. This pic, from January 2008, was the most recent I could find, but I’m sure the duo are hotter and whiter than ever.

Not sure what I’m going on about? This seemingly innocuous pair of jail-baiters is none other than white nationalist folk-rock act, Prussian Blue, all grown up with nowhere to go (well, actually, I guess they’re going to the prom.)

Formed in 2003 by fraternal twins Lynx and Lamb Gaede (ie: their racist, failed musician of a father living vicariously through his kids,) Prussian Blue quickly became a media sensation. The then pre-pubescent waifs thrilled audiences at festivals around the globe while simultaneously being vilified by the press as little blond-haired, blue-eyed monsters.

Oi oi oi skinhead boy, you’re my oi boy.

The name, Prussian Blue, stems from white supremacist claims concerning the lack of Zyklon B residue in Nazi gas chambers, citing it as an inaccuracy of the “holocaust myth.” I’m a lazy summarizer, so we’ll let Wikipedia do the rest:

They recorded and released a debut CD at the end of 2004 called Fragment of the Future, which had both an acoustic folk-rock and a bubblegum pop sound. A year later, they recorded their second album, The Path We Chose, which has a more traditional rock sound… Most of the songs on the second album lack the racial and nationalist overtones of Fragment of the Future and are about more mainstream subject matter, like boys, crushes, and dating.

The duo moved with their mother (April Gaede), their stepfather (Mark Harrington) and their younger half-sister, Dresden, from Bakersfield, California to Kalispell, Montana in 2006 because, in their mother’s words, Bakersfield was “not white enough.” Some of their new neighbors did not welcome them… (and) received threatening letters from members of out-of-state white supremacist organizations.

The duo toured Europe in the summer of 2007, performing at events for white nationalist organizations. Their recent activities have been limited by Lynx’s health problems. As of early 2009, the band’s web site and MySpace page are no longer operational.

That was then...
You mess with the girl… YOU GET THE HITLER!!!

So, despite all this, is it wrong that these two make my little soldier want to do the Nazi salute? Nein, my friend, nein. You’re in our prayers, little Lynxie. Our prayers and our dreams…

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I’M TOTALLY GAY

Really? Because of the word ass? Not because I posted the tweet I’d Totally Do This Underage Girl Who Used To Have A Penis?

Test how hetero you are (or aren’t) over @ Stockholm Pride.

Oh, yeah. thejamminjabber is on twitter @thejamminjabber.

I’d Totally Do This Underage Chick Who Used To Have A Penis

Thank you Dlisted for introducing me to my new crush. Her name is Kim Petras, and she is a 16 year-old German pop star. Her music sucks, but she’s a cutie. Check it out.

What’s that you say? She used to be a dude? Her clit used to be a glans? Her labia is just a bisected corpus spongiosum? I don’t think I care. Underage trim is underage trim. I’d hit it twice.

Map of Long Island

Map of Long Island

She must have been pretty cute beforehand, because most of the he-to-shes I’ve seen have had a serious case of man-face. Now that I think about it, those guys in Attack Attack! might make some pretty fuckable chicks. God knows they’re flexible. At this point, all they’re missing is the vagina.