Tag Archives: Venture Bros

Mess With The Hitler and You Get The Girl

Girl Hitler Sieg Heil!

You mess with the girl, YOU GET THE HITLER!

Who knew the character of Girl Hitler from The Venture Bros was based on historical fact? This is almost as insane as the time the military spent over 7 million dollars developing a bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay. (HERE)

via The Daily Mail:

With no end to the Second World War in sight, British spies came up with a plan to lace Adolf Hitler’s food with female sex hormones to curb his aggressive impulses.

Agents planned to smuggle doses of oestrogen into his food to make him less aggressive and more like his docile younger sister Paula.

Uh, I believe it’s spelled estrogen? Silly Brits.

Hitler Tits

I am as happy as a little girl

While pretty ingenious, this would have been a bad idea for a number of reasons:

Everybody loves tits. Put a pair of torso nads on the most evil man who ever lived and you run the risk of making him more popular than he already is. The hormones might have mellowed him out, but the development of secondary female sex characteristics would have inspired even more devotion in his followers. The sexier a world leader is, the more powerful they are. Just ask Margaret Thatcher.

Secondly- I can’t really think of a second reason. Maybe this would have worked. Maybe Auntie Adolf would have moved to New York City and gotten involved in the club scene, becoming a wealthy socialite and world renown fashion icon. You never know…

Amanda-Lepore-Hitler

A Metalhead, An Accountant and A Wizard Walk Into A Bar…

…and proceed to rock my balls off. But Dysrhythmia don’t rock balls in the typical fashion- for there is nothing typical about this band. What they do is swim up your urethra like the dreaded candiru, gestate in your testicles, and then burst forth from your scrotum like a chest-hugger, splattering blood and seminal fluid all over the unsuspecting hipsters inhabiting Brooklyn’s Union Pool. That’s how they rock balls.

Dysrhythmia are one of the most technically proficient live bands I’ve ever seen. Colin Marston wields the six-stringed bass like a dwarf wields a battle axe, drummer Jeff Eber crunches rhythms like he probably crunches numbers in his day job, and Kevin Hufnagel’s hands move so fast and with such economy of motion, they look like they are vibrating. When the man shreds, he makes faces like he is simultaneously taking a shit and  traveling through time. Dysrhythmia is a band that demands your respect.

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