Tag Archives: William Eubank

Angels and Assholes

Angels and Assholes

So a while back I wrote a review (…From The Future!) of the Angels and Airwaves vanity project LOVE. Anyone with half a brain could see that it was nothing more than facetious satire. Cut to a month and a half later (because these kids are a little on the SLOW side) and the A&A community are hopping pissed. Turns out, they’re not all about peace and love like Mr. Burns after his longevity treatment; they’re a bunch of intolerant homophobic cyber-bullies.

Check the comments section of my original review to see what makes Tom Delonge’s mascara run. Click the image below for the concurrent rabble-rousing on the AVA message board.

Angels and Assholes 2

It’s sad, really. They can talk the talk, but the second someone disagrees with them or pokes a little fun, they fly off the handle (AKA Tom Delonge’s dick) and start calling people faggot. Granted, no one over the age of 16 likes this band, but still. There’s no excuse for what happened over at the jabber Facebook page. Way to represent your message, guys!

Angels and Homophobes

Not that it matters. The only thing the “message” of Angels and Airwaves improves is Tom Delonge’s bank account. He’s like the leader of a religious cult, benefiting from the unquestioning devotion of his sheep-like acolytes. Guess what, guys- there’s no spaceship/comet waiting to fly you to heaven once you drink the poison Kool-Aid. And you’re certainly not making the world a better place. Just a funnier one.

Movie Reviews… From The Future: “Love”

 

UPDATED HERE: ANGELS AND ASSHOLES: THE SAGA CONTINUES…

Are you fucking shitting me? A movie based on an Angels and Airwaves album?!?!? Is Hollywood really that bereft of ideas? Is this the end of the world?

According to the movie, yes. Love is the story of a lone astronaut stranded on a space station who witnesses the earth’s demise. Then he goes through a wormhole and sees God. Because God is love, get it? (*Ducks the two-by-four of obviousness.)

These scenes are intercut with those of major historical events, most of which are wars, including our very own Civil. I guess that makes this a fucking Civil War reenactment movie as well (nerd alert!) Expect lots of beards and lots of slow-mo in this cumbersome treatise on humanity.

Visually, the film looks amazing. It’s kinda hard to fuck up the grandiosity of space. Of course, any contemplative film set in space owes a great debt to Solaris and 2001, both of which are echoed here. The downside to that is William Eubank is no Kubrick. He’s yet another flashy commercial director who thinks he can tell a story about life, the universe, and everything just as good as the masters.

Angels and Airwaves Love

Well color me surprised, he actually comes close. There’s nothing incredibly new about Love, but Eubank manages to give us 90 minutes of semi-intelligent eye candy. Unfortunately,  the film is “driven by the powerful music of Angels and Airwaves” (the band’s words, not mine.) So all Eubank’s hard work is shot to shit. The score (and I use the term loosely, because for all I know these are just A&A instrumentals thrown over the film) is so over the top and so earnest, any inkling of narrative subtlety is raped with a knife. My heart is filled with emotion to the point of bursting! I weep gigantic, salty tears for the whole of humanity! The bass makes my balls tingle!

Thank your maker of choice that there’s none of Delonge’s patented nasally whine to accompany this symphony of melodrama. Can you imagine his bratty snarl reverberating throughout space? God would be so pissed! It still blows my mind that the guy from Blink 182 thinks he can actually sing. It’s like when a dog thinks he’s people.

Where does that leave us? There’s a good film fighting to get out here, it’s just being smothered to death by the pillow of Tom Delonge’s ego. Love is perty to look at, but the score assaults the ear canal like that bug in The Wrath of Khan. I’d recommend it to adventurous cineastes, die-hard Angels and Airwaves fans, and possibly the deaf.

An explanation of Movie Reviews… From The Future!